Which Is Why
I never wear underwear.
It wasn't bad then they broke in and took them from my dresser. I liked it when the took them from the clothes hamper because that meant less laundry.
But when they started on pulling off my sleeping body that was enough! You never know where those beards have been.
So I burned all my underwear and danced naked in a parking lot to scare them away. I think it worked.