Clean.I'm finally clean. I'm finally coming back to earth. What did i miss? Apparently i missed my friends all ending up where i used to be.
It didn't seem so sad when i was there with them. Now it's tragic. I want to help them but just can't. I had to keep a fellow musician breathing for 4 hours so he could finally come to and immediately grab his rig and shoot up some more roxi. Nodding out into his blissful sleep, terrifying for everyone but him.
I don't want to see it. I don't want to hear it. because when i see it i feel it. I feel that pinch in the crook of my arm. It's too much. It's makes my stomach turn and my bowels loosen. I have to leave them to their devices. That's the saddest part. There's no helping an addict. You have to let them help themselves.
These are the people who've seen the worst in me and stood by anyway. They are good people but they're sick. With a truly horrible malady. No cure, no hope, no need for either. Just more drugs and more problems you get to ignore. Right now I have to look out for myself. I have to hang on to the little sliver of dry land called sobriety. It's my only chance if i want to be there when they're ready.