An Empty House In the Neighborhood
Posted October 14th, 2008 at 3:30AM
Times are hard right now. This fact was brought home to me with an unexpected shock, as I went walking though our safe and happy little country neighborhood, in the mountains.
Our neighbors are 'just there'. We take them for granted as if they are part of the backdrop of our lives. Everyday I drive past the house on the corner and I always feel good about the single father whose kids once played in the treehouse out back. Yesterday I noticed that it was completely empty. How could a place with so much life be cleared out without a word of warning? No dogs, no band practice at night, no cars with teenagers coming and going, anymore. I felt a sense of loss, and bewilderment, to suddenly know that I knew so little about them.
The landlord drove up and told me that the place was for rent. He'd evicted the family after they'd lived there for 10 years. Times are hard right now. The guy who lived there was always friendly. He did odd jobs and hadn't had enough work to pay rent that month. Now he's gone to the big city where jobs might be easier to find. His kids are all scattered staying temporarily in different places. A family broken and displaced. How could this happen and no one even knew? I need help with a huge yard project. If only I could turn back time and go ask him to take the job. If only he'd told some of us that he needed work.
That evening I walked over to look inside the rental house. It felt like I was peering into the very life of the family who had moved. Drawings on the bedroom wall, by the kids. A yard tended with love over time (he was always making some new improvement out back). They often had parties and visitors. It was teeming with life. The empty rooms still seemed to cry out for their occupants, bereft of the furnishings, CD pla
The lights were not on as they usually were, in the pre-dusk of a fall evening. Dark silence brooded in the tiny kitchen. Why had we not gotten to know each other in all those years? Our dogs would always bark at each other. They had 2 very spirited canines--neighborhood sentries. Each day the boys would walk the dogs past our house and take them up to the greenbelt. We would wave at each other. Now I know it wasn't enough. I walked over to the side yard where there was a little lean-to with a double-canvas flap that was pulled open. Peeking inside, I saw something that broke my heart. There had been little sign of life around the place--they had taken everything with them. But here, inside this sturdy little shelter were 2 little dog houses, each one had its well-used blanket inside the opening of the little cozy compartments. Side by side they sat there, still filled with the scent of their recent occupants and who knows where the dogs had been sent... It made me feel so, so sad. They were waiting here but the dogs would never be coming back.
Times are hard right now. One family's security, familiarity, and personal history has been shattered. I feel helpless, grateful for what I have, and utterly broken-hearted. Suddenly I feel a loneliness that I never felt before in the neighborhood.
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Sometimes it takes the sad reality of another's life to slap us upside the head hard enough to open our eyes. We get a bigger picture and it makes us appreciate the blessings in our own back yard. You show such compassion for this family and I'm sure you would have done something if you'd been aware of their situation. Many people will read your story and hopefully will go out today and do something kind for a neighbor or a co-worker.
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Thanks for the reminder, as everyone else said. What a sad story and what a brave man. We get so caught up in our own worries that we often forget someone has it worse, and like you said, it's often as close as right next door. I think I'll make some cookies for my friends, co-workers and neighbors, maybe see if they're lonely and wanna talk....
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That is such a sad story but how many of us truly know our neighbours?
There was a tv documentary called 'Our Street' on recently. It was a wealthy area in London but the mix of people that lived there was very surprising.
Living amongst millionaires were people on benefits due to sickness and unemployment and elderly immigrants unable to speak English.
Everyone had an interesting story to tell .. but very few knew their neighbours and there were many very lonely people.
I vowed after the programme that I would get to know all my neighbours better .. but I have not as yet. -
Swanfeather's tale in the country, and Tasmin's tale in of the city. Alienation exists everywhere. Neighbourhoods are no longer communities. It's so very sad that so many of us do not have a broader sense of community and involvement in the world arond us.
My mother told me that during the depression, it was quite common and socially acceptable for people to invite their friends to "rent parties" or "hard times" parties, potluck and BYOB, where the goodies would be raffled off at whatever prices the guests could offer. Maybe it's time to bring them back! -
I can't find thoughts and words to respond to this story just yet, but, just thank you swanfether, for sharing what you saw, felt and were thinking. This is a great little essay, one you might consider expanding a bit, perhaps sending to a newspaper? The way its getting all of us thinking is so important. Stories like this are unfolding all over the world now, have been happening everywhere, for a long time... people's lives falling apart, gone un-noticed...
:^( -
Thanks for inspiring us all with your story swanfether - i'm going to duck over right now and give the man next door a painting of his dog that died which i've been working on for far too long.
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Oh my goodness!
I just arrived home from work to find all of your amazing responses. When I sent this out I did not know what could be done. I just felt so helpless and so cut off, that I had to write about it. As I read all of your thoughts it occurs to me that the concern you are expressing, the determination to reach out before its too late, the reminders of other times when people would bond together...this is what wants to be seen. This is what wants to be felt by our human heartminds. This caring that is being expressed IS whats needed for us to come together and pitch in. For us to be wiling to help each other out.
It is the obvious response and yet, it can be so difficult to reach out...to go knock on a door and start the conversation. There is a silly program instilled inside of us, that fears 'looking like a fool' or something...
WHY? Why have we become so walled off and so isolated?
I feel encouraged and inspired by what each of you have said. Carrot, I almost want to cry thinking of the painting you have been working on. I KNOW how much it will mean to the human that belonged to this dog! I would love to see the painting...
I sent this out because the pain of this family had taken root in my own heart. Now you all have taken it one step further. I feel a momentum gathering here...it is time to reverse the trend of self-sufficiency. To risk. To extend a hand, not knowing how it will be received.
I am going to take a walk to another street in the neighborhood where the sister of this man's ex girlfriend lives. Her daughter used to play with his kids. Maybe she knows where they are and what they need. Maybe I can speak to my other neighbors and we can do something to let them know we care...
I am so grateful to everyone for taking this so seriously and for caring. Sometimes we need (I need) the echo of other hearts joining in before I can take that first, difficult step. I WILL DO IT! I'll let you all know how it goes. And you can let us know how it goes in your corner of the world.
deep gratitude to all!!!!!
(and to E.P. for existing so we can all touch base in the many ways our diverse needs impel us to do...) -
What a very sobering, yet touching story of love and caring.. I'm really blown away. You are so right.. we miss these opportunities everyday to connect with people around us. What ever happened to that small town feeling and sense of community? I know my neighbors only to smile and wave at, and know little if nothing about their situations. It is very sad, the walls we put up between one another. Your story, the compassion that you express, and all the comments here inspire me to try and change this. To reach out, when the opportunity presents itself. Or better yet, create these opportunities. It can be difficult to take this step.. but the perceived 'risk' really pales to the great potential for reward. I will look forward to hearing more of this story.. and hope that I can do the same for someone. We just never know when we will need to rely on the kindness of others.. and so we really should be keeping our eyes and hearts open to them.
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I wonder, is there something church congregations could do about this, or is there an organization that already exists or should exist now, to help out families in our communities? Especially with all these foreclosures happening, at least in the USA. Of course, individually we should try to reach out to our neighbors but sometimes you just can't help people, their need is big. That's where groups can be more helpful, everyone pitching in together.
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I have to admit, I went to bed last night thinking about this story, and felt the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. This was me doing this to my myself. We do have to find a balance, where this is concerned.. we can't personally take on everyone else's problems that we encounter. But sometimes we do come across a situation like this, that calls to us, speaks to our heart, and we know we can do something to help, we want to help. And we can reach out and touch one person, as ladee says. This could mean something more substantial, like what you are suggesting here SF, or it could mean something very simple, like giving away a smile to someone who looks like they need it. But I see the overall message here as we need to be aware.. it's too easy to shut out the world around us. It can be overwhelming, and so we have a need to do this to a certain degree. But if the moment brings us a gift such as this, and pulls us to try and help, I think we should listen and follow up as best we can for our place in time. We might not be able to do much.. and the most difficult part could be accepting this.. but at least we will have tried. And learned something in the process.
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Sister ladee friend, I love the word ginormous.. yes, you are right, little things all add up to something big. I would be happy to call everyone here my friend :) And most of you already are :) :) I feel blessed, just being here :)
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Ladee, you have some very wise words of your own :)
Marji.. I was kinda thinking the same thing.. too bad the landlord couldn't give the guy longer to meet his rent. But the landlord pbly has a mortgage to pay, a family of his own to feed.. we don't really know. -
Dee writes,
"...We do have to find a balance, where this is concerned.. we can't personally take on everyone else's problems that we encounter... This could mean something more substantial, like what you are suggesting here SF, or it could mean something very simple, like giving away a smile to someone who looks like they need it. But I see the overall message here as we need to be aware.. it's too easy to shut out the world around us."
Yes, I completely agree. There is no general 'right' answer about what ought to be done when we are touched by the plight of another. Sometimes just the caring we feel IS our gift (and sending forth our true good wishes--the energy of caring and well-being) can be the best gift to give. In fact without having all the information we don't necessarily even know what the best thing to do might be. So, the heart of this experience for me is exactly what you say, "it's too easy to shut out the world around us."
And yet, sometimes the person who needs our attention the most is our own self. Its important to be realistic about where our own energy level is--there are times when all we can do is try to stay nourished and tend to our own well-being.
Gotta be careful about thinking we have to choose between 'them' or 'me'. Gotta check in with ourselves and be realistic about what we are capable of at any given moment. Perhaps, its even possible (at times) for a sad story to elicit a super strong reaction BECAUSE it triggers something inside of us...some unmet need or some vulnerability that was hidden beneath the surface.
So starting with *this* piece of the world right here at E.P., I would like to express my agreement with the suggestion that we can all be friends! We can be 'here' for each other and that is a valuable thing... -
Wow -- amazing story. I actually have tears running down my cheek as I read this. The saddest part for me is that I may be in this position soon... My husband lost his job a couple of weeks ago and is having trouble finding anything else. His commissions had been dwindling for quite some time and we've already gone through most of what we had in savings. I really hope something comes through soon because if not we're going to lose our house too. I don't know what I'll do if I have to give up all of my animals -- they're the only thing that keeps me going some days. Believe me, reaching out to your neighbors right now is the most important thing anyone can do. I really hope everyone who reads this acts on what they are saying and does whatever they can to help others. I've done that so many times, but now there seems to be noone to help when I need it because everyone's in the same boat. For those that pray, remember also to pray for your neighbors, your neighborhood. Even if you don't have a dime to spare to help someone out, you can still offer them a prayer, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on.
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i exactly know how it feels to feel pain, really times are very hard, but we have to keep the courage and never give up hope. i know how it looks like for family to be separate from each other. it very sad but it`s life. this simple father has to be very strong to be able to reunite with his children. i cried when i read it, it just like my life i am living right now. my mother told me that i SHOULD ALWAYS KEEP ON HOPING FOR BETTER DAYS, THIS IS WHAT I DO, MAYBE YOU CAN DO THE SAME. NOWADAYS PEOPLE DO NOT HELP EACH OTHER, THEY JUST THINK ABOUT MONEY.
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Oh Sidira, I am really sorry to hear about the uncertainty on your horizen. I can really empathize about the animals. It seems so hard sometimes to find alternatives. I wish there were a huge "e-bay of human interest issues", with chapters in each local area.
Where I live, we have a network of local spiritual and meditation groups who have all combined with one newsletter to send out information to everyone on the list. Its got a number of 'areas'. So that in addition to announcements and schedule information, there is a "classified" section. This is my favorite because folks put just about anything there, from looking for rentals/offering rentals, to animals in need of homes, to people seeking to share their skills for income or barter, to items that someone might want to get rid of or something someone is searching for. Even things like wanting to start community groups for dancing, hiking, discussion, whatever...
I wonder if there might be some sort of local source of connection like this in your area? Or even if you just put the word out in the neighborhood (like I wish MY neighbor had done!) that you are seeking work opportunities...and you might be in the market to downsize your living situation, if they know of anything.
It sounds so difficult to even think of sharing such information with others in one's neighborhood or workplace...but everytime someone I know has done this, it has made a huge difference.
I'll give you one specific example that happened with one of my friends. Their family of 5 lost their income (he was a computer programer and could not find work at all). So they had no way to pay their rent. My friend told a few of us about how scared she was (and they had LOTS of animals!). Another friend decided to call everyone whom this family knew. She asked them to make a list of all their friends and relatives. Then she called each one of them and gave them a little briefing on the situation.
Together we all collected enough rent money to give them another month to live there. During that time the mom (who had been an 'at home' mom doing homeschhool stuff with her kids) found a job in a city/county office.
Their whole lifestyle changed but they were able to stay afloat and things worked out for them.
If I'd known about this family down the street from me, I would have tried to seek some 'creative community' options rather than lose them as neighbors. We never know until we get up the nerve and ASK, how helpful and how caring others might be. And most of the time people are honored to be asked, and eager to make a difference. Maybe their animals could have stayed in our yard for awhile... Maybe a number of us might have needed work done in our homes or yards... Someone might have known about a good caretaking opportunity or other unexpected possibility...
I really hope that something comes through for you, Sidira.
And you are so right about help coming in internal ways, as well as externally. When I returned to work (after taking a month off following an unexpected split-up with my husband) a number of years ago, I pondered on what to tell my coworkers. i didn't want to be the 'talk of the workplace' when I returned and I also didn't want to pretend that nothing had happened. So, on my first day back, I just walked around and told everyone that there was one thing they could all do that would be a really big help to me.
They seemed relieved and grateful to be given something specific to do. I said that the hardest thing was going to be NOT GETTING that phone call from home, which usually came at a certain time every day. I'd asked them if they would be willing to distract me, or in some playfully warm way, help me put my attention elsewhere around 2:30 pm every day. What happened is that I developed a closeness to my coworkers that I never expected. And instead of focusing on 'what went wrong' in my life, we all focused on moving forward in our group energy together.
I will hold your plight in my heart and ask for all good things to happen for your family. Thank you so much for letting us know about your worries. May it all work out well for you. -
I had a neighbor who had cancer, She did not tell anyone.
One night she saved my life and then she passed away.
She was so generous, and thoughtful. I loved my neighbor.
It is going to be halloween and it was a favorite day for her.
It just won't be the same, without the witch next door.
I felt the sadness of her loss by the story you told here.
I miss my neighbor a lot.
A toast to our neighbors, "May we appreciate what they add to our lives everyday, wether we know them or not" -
Thanks for sharing this wonderful tribute, buttercupdaisy. It is clear how much you appreciate this friend. And isn't that what we all would want...to know that we left good feelings behind in the hearts of those we cared about...
I love your reminder about how important it is to appreciate each other. -
Sisko, It sounds like you have a very wise and thoughful mother. I am sorry that you have to be separated from your family. It is clear that you tune into your strength to deal with the hardship. I feel encouraged by your tremendous example when you say, "...we have to keep the courage and never give up hope." I think you are exactly right. May you always find the strength you need. I am sure that your loved ones are helped by your outlook.
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wow...swanfether...this is very touching. Unfortunately it is a reality for so many Americans right now.
I can say it's closely related to my experience...I was just evicted from my rental two weeks ago for the same reason. I, also had considered spreading my family apart in different places but I knew the distance would only divide us. But I trusted GOD and my faith grew even stronger when I found an apartment manager who was compassionate for me and my family and I now have a better deal with less rest. My family can stay living together now. I could not afford rent at the last apartment due to taking a "pay cut" at a different job and my hubby losing his job altogether. It can happen to anyone. Do not take your life and current situation for granted.
It is tough right now.....but I am tougher because I trust GOD and what he has planned for me.
I wonder if my neighbors even noticed that I moved? This IS sad..... You are a very gentle person. Thank you for sharing this... -
Swan -
The way you put your thoughts into words and brought emotion to so many of us that were not there with you is amazing. You need to share that with your local paper, readers digest or some sort of human interest paper/magazine. It's beautiful.
I don't have much to contribute, but I would like to say this. My mother says something that in my youth would cause eyes to roll and deep sighs of "ohhhh mom". Not so much now. Not after the hellish three years I've had. Those words mom said so many times have gotten me through so many things that would break anyone emotionally or mentally and those words were...
No matter how bad you have it, no matter how awful your situation. Somewhere, someone has it worse.
So in 2004 when my nightmare cycle of doom began I remembered those words and those words pulled me through, gave me the spirit and faith I needed to pull through.
An illness that almost claimed my life. As I was getting blood transfusions and Iron infusions, the guy next to me was getting chemo. He had it worse.
Three hurricanes that year slammed us head on just weeks after we purchased our home. We lost the screen over our pool, our neighbors lost the roof. They had it worse.
My father, diagnosed with cancer dies 1 month later, breaking my mothers heart (52 years wed) and leaving us all with great sadness. We had a month to prepare our goodbyes and let him know how important he was to us, and in turn he said goodybye to each of us. A friend of mine lost her father suddenly to a heart attack when she was 15, right after she told him she hated him. She had it worse.
2005 - My 20 year marraige comes to an end. Life as I know it is changing. The divorce is amicable, we're actually better friends then a couple. A guy I work with, his wife dies the day before their 21st anniversary. He had it worse.
I start dating someone from high school, 8 months later he has robbed me blind, stolen my identity and ruined me financially. I dust myself off and move on, finding someone eventually that makes me feel so worthy even tho I'm penniless. I don't know anyone with a worse story, but I've heard of them - tune into Forensic Files and you'll see... they had it worse.
There is a lot more, a hole lot more but I think you get the idea.
Please, just take a moment to realize that life will go on, and you need to stay around so you can see what wonderful things will happen for you if you just wait it out.
In February, my brand new husband and I along with my teens moved 2 states away so I could accept a fantastic job with a big ole company making a respectable salary with an impressive title. In April, I fell down the stairs, breaking my hip in the process. In June I'm fired for bogus reasons. I'm denied unemployment and I had already closed my workers comp case to save my job. So I was lost. We had no way back 'home' we are trapped in a new city and I'm still suffering from that broken hip. But guess what? Even though I was at my lowest, wondering how to pay rent, not having anyone else to borrow or beg from and losing a car to reposession, I somehow pulled through. Even though there were many times I didn't want to try any more. And now, things are turning around. I won my appeal and was just awarded back pay for the last 3 months, I have an attorney fighting to get my workers comp thing straight and me back in physical therapy, hubby starts a brand new dream job on Monday (8 months after working a crap job) and life is starting to look up again.
Please if you are reading this, and full of dispare - hang in there.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for htis to be so very long and I don't want any sympathy or empathy - I just felt for some weird reason a strong desire to put this down. I hope it reaches whoever it was intended to reach. -
Thank you so much to both of you for your stories...
SavingMisty, Your words make me realize how much I do have and indeed--not to take it for granted. None of us can know what might change around the next corner.
Junque, You are so right, there are always people who have it worse than we do. It seems that you find a way to be grateful and to see the silver lining in whatever life brings. That's a great quality to have. I appreciate the way you encourage others who may be overwhelmed. It can be helpful to know that hard times can turn around and we can come out stronger. What strikes me most--as a thread running through all of your stories, here--is the sense of leaning toward the best that has happened, rather than lamenting the worse that has happened. You seem to be very much a "glass half full' sort of person. I imagine people around you are uplifted by your outlook.
I am really touched by the way so many people are sharing the ways they have been personally affected, here in this conversation. It seems we are all bonded by our common humanity. There is something comforting in that... -
Hello im from Australia and can see the real sadness in this experience. We people in Australia get to know one another quite well and often . I know nearly everyone in my street and did at my last address and the one before that. Now and again there will be a street party were everyone just gets out into the street and parties on with thier neighbours. Do you have anything like this over there?? Maybe give it a go as its a great way to get to know one another without intruding in your home!!!
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Thanks for expressing what you saw beyond that empty house in a very beautiful way.
Really touched my heart. Here in Mexico and in most part of latinamerica, things are really different.
We know our neighbors very well, their sons and grandsons. Neighborhoods here are still communities, where you know is always gonna be a helping hand.
It is a blessing to have good neighbors, but it is also important to be a good one.
Thanks for giving us a reminder that good deeds should start with our closest ones. -
We, as a population, have been taught to fear. Media have pushed fear into our lives, to the point that suspicions cloud our sight.
Perhaps it is time to take our lives back from those who believe in fear. Stupid urban myths strain emails every day, you know?!
You will never regret being too kind. Try it! -
Sadly, I feel that we're about to enter a long era in which these sentiments become commonplace... the norm... the usual. Abandonment of ethical behavior by banks and major corporations means that short term gain results in _long_ term pain. This is just the beginning. A well of empathy will be needed to invoke in us all a spirit of care and kindness beyond anything in our experience so far. Paul, Australia
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Hello Kruzerdays, (love your screenname btw!). Thanks for the reminder about block parties. When I was young and the neighborhoods were filled with other youth, we had blockparties all the time. Its something I'd forgotten about. A great idea as a way for us to all 'meet and greet'. Closet thing we had was a neighborhood garage sell and I missed that cause I had to work that weekend. I have always admired many things about your country and its citizens. Your post only deepens my fantasy that people in Australia really know how to DO life!
Ozcan, I am afraid I agree with you about what lies on the horizen ahead for our planet, AND at the same time, I harbor a hope that (as happens so often during natural disasters) we will all pull together, maybe go back to the small community 'trade & barter' ideal of living... time will tell.
I heard someone say yesterday "I can't imagine that our young people aren't much more angry with us---they certainly have a right to be. I have always felt this way. It seems so reckless the way my generation and others before me, have lacked foresight. But that's a tangential topic, isn't it?
Watergirl07, How great to be hearing from you in Mexico where neighbors help neighbors. Perhaps the great industrial advances have left behind the people they were designed to help. I long for everyone to know a more simple way of being where we gather outdoors, as children play, elders share their wisdom and multiculltural, multigenerational gifts are all welcome and valued. I will NOT stop holding onto this dream...
Lightnow, Your words are a great way to sum up where we've 'gone wrong' and what we can do to turn it around:
"...Perhaps it is time to take our lives back from those who believe in fear... You will never regret being too kind."
I couldn't agree more. Thanks for the wisdom and insight... -
Truly a very touching story. I know the feeling since I have gone thru this when I was a growing teenager - evicted out of the house for my dad not being able to afford the rent.
The downturn in economy has hurt the average Joe. When things were going so well just a few years ago, did people stop and think what was happening to the countries that U.S had gone and bombed - like Iraq?
here is a touching story -
http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/03/12/iraq.women/
I cannot imagine a society where it doesn't care for it's own neighbors to even have the perspective or the vision to think of what their country has been responsible for. Bombing and killing innocent people on the pretext that Saddam was hiding weapons of mass destruction ! Well, it did good to the U.S economy then I guess, the average Joe was able to pay his mortgage!
I am sorry I am not trying to make a political statement here. I have lived in about a dozen different countries around the world including the U.S. -
snmbs,
Thank you for sharing that article. The details are both difficult to read, and important to know. You ask some powerful questions. I want to respond to your inquiry. You write,
"...When things were going so well just a few years ago, did people stop and think what was happening to the countries that U.S had gone and bombed - like Iraq?"
I can't speak for 'people'. However, I can say that I do know a large number of individuals (here in the U.S. where I live) who were definitely thinking about what was occurring in people's lives. Yes.
I know others, whose work was dedicated toward trying to reach into the heartminds of those leaders who were making uninformed decisions. I can tell you that I feel very sad about what has occurred. It will never be anything but tragic when human fear and warfare ends up destroying countries and devistating the lives of ordinary citizens.
I will also say that in the history of humankind, war has always existed. Innocent people have always been caught in the crossfire between ambitions leaders. In my opinion, it's one of the facts that MUST change if we are to survive as a species.
I imagine that your life experience has given you a perspective which many of us will never understand. It is impossible for any one of us to fully grasp what another individual has been through. But it is always possible for us to care about one another. I am determined to do my part to keep my heart open. That is the only thing over which I have any realistic control.
May you find fertile ground for all the insight and concern in your heart. -
Your compassion shows through - If you can get a forwarding address we will send something of help from New Zealand - I am whatson_girl@yahoo.co.nz
Mostly I work with Tibetan refugee groups in Asia however today this came up and therefore must be meant to be thankyou for your sharing.
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