In My Dreams

On a rare night I can see you and touch you and tell you that I love you, and you will talk back to me. Once you asked if i got into the cooking sherry.  We have shared some delicious kisses. Sometimes we even make out. You have told me that everything is alright. You have fallen on your butt and laughed and said everything is OK, nothing hurts, you have a brand new healthy perfect body. I've seen you on a runaway horse. I've seen you die in my dreams twice, painfully, and there was nothing I could do about it. One time we even died together in a plane crash. Once you walked right into the room I was in and you didn't even recognize me. Some dreams are more day-to- day, like just laying on the couch or standing in the kitchen, and in the dream I don't remember that you are gone. In the dreams where I do have some awareness, I have this frantic urge to hold you and tell you I love you, because i am afraid you will disappear ( or I will wake up) before we can make out ( we always end up melting together and making out if I can stay in the dream) That is when you laugh like I am acting nuts, it is such a beautiful laugh. I wish I could stay calm in those dreams, and thus stay asleep and enjoy you forever.

mergelayers mergelayers
51-55, M
5 Responses Mar 1, 2010

I don't know either, but at least you were having a good time!!<br />
<br />
It's changed my perspective about death too! I now have almost as many family members on the other side as I have here. The other side is starting to feel more like "home" with all of them over there.<br />
I've lost beloved pets too and I have no doubt they will be waiting for me too. I can't wait to see them again, also.

And we're lucky they'll be there for us when its our time. It really changes my perspective about death. I'd still like another 50 healthy years, but its good to know that either way will be a good thing.<br />
Its been a weird week for dreams. Leah was in my dreams again last night, and so was an aunt who died 2 years ago at age 80. In my dream my aunt was young, in her 30s, wearing a 1940s party dress, and had a great big hug for me. We were making fruit punch and spilling it all over the kitchen, just laughing our butts off. Who knows where this crazy stuff come from?

I always thought that they would come at first to help us get over the shock. When someone dies so instantly as Leah and my father (he died in his sleep) it's too shocking to even begin to accept it.<br />
I believe that's why Leah came to you. But you can't sleep all the time and eventually you have to learn to accept their gone, so they lesson their visits. As you said, the intensity lessons, for our sake not theirs.<br />
<br />
Just an interesting side note, when my Mom was dying she told me my father came to her all the time again. I believe he was there to comfort her and waiting for her to cross over and be with him again. <br />
<br />
I know my father did not come back to me again in dreams because it was so upsetting to me the next day. I would mourn his loss intensely the next day after he came and this wasn't doing me any good so he stopped coming. It was also well over 6 months after he was gone that these vivid dreams would come and upset me. I think he realized it was not doing me any good so he stopped coming. They are looking out for us on the other side.

That is so wonderful that both you and your mom had the same dream. Its nice to know he loved you so much that he could reach you in your sleep. I too believe that somehow our loved ones really are communicating to us ( in some dreams, of course not in all), and that they want to comfort us. For me the dreams where its like she is really there are not hurtful at all, in fact they make me feel very peaceful for a few days. Those types of dreams tapered off, and I haven't had one in a couple months. I keep a dream journal, but the dreams with Leah in them are so pedestrian these days that I don't even bother to record them. ( I did have a great dream last night about playing chess with my son, and he was beating the pants off me. He would have loved that dream - we were so competitive sometimes).<br />
One more dream note. In one of my first dreams with Leah I was in a weird house in a dead neighborhood,and my son was there, and a little girl (about 4 years old maybe) was there who was my daughter. We never had a daughter in real life. My son helped me call for Leah and he found her and took me to her ( he died 11 years before her). We had a hugging & kissing reunion. For many days after that I believed that I lived in another world at night with a beautiful family and I wanted to sleep all the time so I could be with them. That was the time that I most wished I was dead too so we could all be together again. Of course it was one of those 'I could never kill myself but if something were to happen I would be OK with it' thoughts.<br />
But isn't it strange how skewed our thinking gets when we are hurting?<br />
I'm glad that the grief is mellower now. I really wish that Leah would come back into my dreams with the same intensity as before, but I believe she has moved on, as I must.

That's so beautiful, friend. You had such a loving relationship. I remember when my father died, he would come to my mom in dreams. She would always ask him "Why did you leave me"? He had no answer just be there with her.<br />
<br />
About 6 months after he died, I had this dream about him. He came to my home and was sitting in the rocking chair I rocked my new baby in. We were talking. I couldn't remember what we were talking about but when I went to see my Mom that day. She asked why I was so quiet. I told her I had a dream about Dad last night and it was so real, I could touch him, I could smell him, all my senses were alive to him again. It was so hard to get that close again and have to face the fact that he was gone in the morning.<br />
<br />
My mother told me, she had the same dream. He came to her too last night. We both cried and cried. <br />
<br />
I never doubted that he came to comfort us. I'm sure he was with us. Maybe because it hurt so much the next day, he never came back to me again.<br />
<br />
It hurts so much to remember!