It Became Addicting

I starting cutting myself when I was only 11 years old. At first it was just a thing I did when I was sad I did around the time my family was fighting & my grandma passed away. It was so hard for me also in 6th grade girls were more developed than me & of course growing way faster. I hated myself & believed something was wrong with me. People started to notice even teachers I knew I had to hide it so I starting cutting my leg or hips. Stupid yes but I hid it well. My life was slowly changing & everything started to go back to normal but it was too late my cutting became so addictive I had to remind myself of the pain. I hated myself so much I couldn't let go awful comments from the past I couldn't accept the way I looked i'd say stuff like sure Ash things are good now but just wait not for long your gonna hurt again. So everyday I'd come home from school I'd look at my scars, every scar has a story and that brought me back to that place it brought me back to pain so I kept doing it. One day I was so fed up with everything, everything around me was awful & I hated myself even more than when I first started to self harm. But I know I could have stopped it. I oddly felt as if I needed the pain. One day my friend pointed out my cuts & I was so ashamed. I knew I needed to stop so tried. I tried so hard it took my almost a year of talking to my close friends admitting what I was doing to my family & talks with my church sponsers but now I'm 11 months clean and still sometimes think of selfharming but plan on never doing it again. God plays a big part in my life and I see now that he made me just the way he wanted to & for me to hurt myself because of that is just wrong. I wanted my story out here & here it is, any questions I will be sure to help. love&heartsA.S.H
ashleighSlove ashleighSlove
1 Response Jul 25, 2010

oh wow, that was so lovely, i was wondering if maby you would let me share you story in my gcse corswork, it is just so touhing, i would realy like to talk to you, i know it would help me and sooooooooooooo many different people aswell, im going to do a presontation in my town hall, if im allowed, it would realy help thanks xxxx