Register

I Self Harm

Wishing I Was In Another World

By: ImpossibleSludge
Written on September 3rd, 2010
I have to cut myself before I have breakfast, and before I go to sleep, just to remind myself that I'm real.

I use a surgical scalpol, that we use at home to cut paper/card. I've been used to a straight edged blunt blade, but recently this blade was changed for one that makes much deeper incisions.

It's stopped being something healthy that I can do safely.

I'm completely dependent on it and it's creating deep gashes that take about a week to scab over without breaking and bleeding. I've started taking the scalpol with me when I go places. Two people know about it, but only one really understands. I can't tell anyone else because I'm so ashamed of it.
By: ImpossibleSludge
Age: 22-25 , Male
526 people have read this story

Your Response

Please respond with authenticity, support, and respect
By clicking "Post", you confirm that you agree to the Terms of Service of Experience Project, Inc.
3 responses
  • ImpossibleSludge
    ImpossibleSludge

    I know the feeling exactly, posy10

    And I have gotten better in the past few months - I just relapse occasionally. Only a few times has it been worrying. Thanks for the lovely words though :) I don't have a god, but I find it helpful to look at beauty in ordinary things...(not usually people XD)

    Dec 27, 2010
    1 like
  • cuterose
    cuterose

    Oh, I think you should look for the real problem and stop hurting yourself.

    Try to count God`s graces and find a reason for each grcace then learn to respect graces.

    I know it`s hard to stop the cutting but it isn`t impossible, believe in yourself and in your will and you`ll overcome your problem.

    Please don`t hurt yourself too much because tomorrow needs you with all your strength

    Dec 27, 2010
    1 like
  • posy10
    posy10

    I have the same problem too I cut my arms to feel the pain to see if I`m a real person. Most of the time I feel dead inside , seeing the blood then feeling the pain makes me feel alive again. I told my psychiatrist before all they could advise was some distraction techniques which are useless all I want is to stop feeling this way.

    Sep 10, 2010
    1 like