That One Minute....

May Trigger:

Just for them couple of minutes, everything rushes away, out of my body, I dont think about anything or anyone, all my worries dissapear, the hurt I have inside dissapears, and even though it only lasts for a couple of minutes its great to have that, its great to now i can escape the horribleness for a couple of minutes. I have tried to stop, but its to hard! It would be great to stop, as its very uncomfortable when someone questions how you got that cut, even though you thought it was in the most unseeable place.Then the guilt I have the next day, fro knowing i hadnt harmed for ages, and then that one stupid thing happened. But how do I stop,when i have got so use to it? Its my only coping mechanism.

xXsammiXx xXsammiXx
18-21, F
11 Responses May 6, 2007

i got through it but i still get times where i want to cut myself, but i just question, 'what benefit does it do to me?' that few seconds of happiness, but what about the guilt of lying to friends and family, the hassle of having to cover it up, the embarrassment when someone see's it, even the healing/scarring , think about a life without all this xx

put your knife/razor/sharp ob<x>ject in a really inconveniant place to have to go get like in your car or in the kitchen. better yet, throw it away.

I know how you and it's tuff. But I think if you find a differen way to cope you'll be ok. I haven't found that one thing yet that helps me stop cutting like a healthier alternative to cutting, you know. But I hope to find it real soon because cutting is starting to take over my life real fast.

Amen. You took the words right out of my mouth.

You shouldn't be proud of your scars. I'm ashamed. I've turned into a monster, but now I cannot get out from underneath the bed.

Very nicely writen. I understand exactly how you feels. Conciously you know it's gonna lead to more problems but in that moment it feels so good you just don't care.

i know how you feel :/ ive been self harming for months now, and i rely on it so much to make everything better for just a few moments, but then the next day i feel **** about it, and i hate seeing my body covered in scars. <br />
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i good alternative is use an alestic band against your skin because you get the pain without getting scars or anything..

DBT has been a huge help for me. I have had a relapse but I consider it just that. I went around 150 days without SH before that using the coping skills from DBT. It can be helpful on its own but is much better if done in a group environment to learn skills because in the right group you also meet people who understand you and your pain. Good luck, message anytime if you need an understanding ear.

I can relate too, you feel so good for that moment you do it and then it's a battle against wanting to do it again! It's a frustrating cycle, I have gone months without doing it and it can be a simple thing that triggers me, I hurt myself the other night over an arguement me and my husband had :( not good :(

I am in a same state of mind, desperately wanting to escape from my suffering tormenting, torture and continuously being discriminating by support services for raising voice against domestic violence). Therefore, wish to end it for ever, but not sure what to do which should finish of me. Tried to take some tablets and I was very dispointed that after taking 16 of blood pressure tablets first, few hours later another 30 of some kind allergy ones and further 30 of another kind all within a day and NOTHING worked! I could not believe where they all gone in my body. This experience has shocked me that if I choose another type of tablets and I still survived and then I was told that I was not doing it for real! I will not be able to live up to that. Sorry Guys I never shared the feelings of wanting to self harm but now I am able to relate a little. I am still wanting to hold on to justice which appeared to be far removed from our society and its all about manipulation and business not for humans who need support. Love you allxxxx

yea i know what you mean. Feels good, doesnt it. i am in a group right now to learn new coping skills. I'll make sure i pass some on to ya