I haven't posted on here in a while and my life is in a little bit of turmoil right now. I have stopped cutting myself for about a year and it has been a huge struggle but I'm trying to overcome it. However, instead of cutting I have been throwing up and I'm not sure if its bulimic because I don't binge before hand I just throw up when I feel full. The only way that I can make it so that I don't throw up is if I don't eat enough to be full. I have also struggled with some anorexic tendencies in that there are days where I just don't eat and if I have to eat to keep up appearances then I just throw up later. I don't know what it is wrong with me I think I just discovered a new way to self harm and I'm not sure which one is worse at this point. I really don't want to start cutting again because its been a year and that is the longest that I have ever gone and I'm very proud of that. I'm just not sure what to do. The eating problems having been going on for a while and when I was 16 and 17 and then I was doing it while I was cutting then I went back to just cutting and now its just throwing up. I'm confused and scared and I'm not sure what brought this on again. Thanks for listening!
noonecanknow noonecanknow
3 Responses Nov 25, 2012

First off, congratulations on not cutting for such a long time! You see, it is a widespread misconception that one has to treat only the symptoms of self-mutilation and eating disorders; the underlying cause must be taken care of before the sufferer might have a chance at complete recovery. On your confusion about whether or not it's bulimia, eating disorders are a form of self-harm. Yes, indeed, those generally relate to an overwhelming desire to be thin, but what truly matters in determining whether you have a disorder is your behavior; given that you have described a lack of binges, I would not call it full-blown bulimia, but only bulimic episodes. As an anorexic and a self-harmer, I have had my fair share of those too.

However, please ask yourself whether you are obsessed with food (i.e. constantly thinking about it) or with becoming thin. If the answer is yes to any of the above, then you probably are bulimic or suffer from 'bulimarexia'. Moreover, do these compulsions provide a sense of safety? Behavioral disorders are intrinsically coping mechanisms, and from experience sitting down for a few minutes and analyzing what specific factor has triggered your urges is very helpful, for compulsive actions are always caused by particular stimuli, such as remarks, situations, people, or images.

At the foundation of all such afflictions lies an overwhelming self-hatred and lack of self-esteem. These must be gradually worked upon. I do not know your personal history, so I cannot pinpoint an exact cause, but regardless of that, please bear in mind that you are enough just as you are. Nobody requires you to be perfect, and your happiness does NOT depend upon the whims of others. Try making a list of all the positive things in your life. Most importantly, please do try to talk openly to someone close to you. I know it is hard, and you need reassurance. It is all going to be fine though. The most important step is acknowledging that you have a problem, and on top of that you've actually asked for help! It's all very well. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.

thanks that helped a lot.
I never really understood what was going on but I was pretty sure that it wasn't an eating disorder. If you feel comfortable answering do you prefer throwing up over cutting because I'm not sure which one helps more and which one is 'better' thanks for your response im glad that im not alone

I think its bulimia or anorexia if the goal is to get thin. Im a small thin person with huge anxieties. I know anxiety is my trigger. I need to cut when Im anxious. Its the only thing that helps. Every second fells like an hour. However, when Im trying to "be good" my anxiety goes out if control. I throw up. Its over whelming. My natural weight it 95ish lbs. I lost twenty lbs in a couple weeks on summer and went to the doc. She said its a form of IBS. Like I have too many nerves in my stomach when Im anxious. When I guess it is an 'eating disorder, it isnt from weight issues.

I dont know if it helps, but I hope so. I know it bothers me when people think Im bulimic when its really anxiety.

And I am still struggling everyday to balance that anxiety. I can tell you how, except to try to stay strong. Sometimes when it is bad I see every non-vomit/non-cutting day as a conquest. Even if it is only a conquest over myself.

Good Luck