A Poem I Wrote About Self Injury

I wrote this recently after having a bit of a relapse. I don't self harm regularly, and its something I try hard not to do. I have somewhat confrontational relationships in my life though, and when something happens its just hard for me to control myself.

Its hard when you know your going insane
conflict to resolve
attempts to talk its all in vain

Apart of you feels there's no point to that pain
that feeling turns around on me
i'm the cause that only little remains

It boils up inside me every attack no holding back
trying to hurt me
I give up I can't compensate for what I lack

My own mind becomes your words and i'm drawn to that hate
your anger becomes my anger
times ten i'm stuck with myself in a rage, irate

hurt becomes my goal but in a much more visible way
a reminder of what i'm feeling, how I should feel
i'm crazy I know thats what everyone has to say

I don't get it, you don't so what can I do
I could take a pill and cure myself
I know, you know its not that simple, simply not true

In the future I may look back
say I only simply needed that
but right now for to long i've unintentionally evaded that track

The pain is comfort mixed up the only realness I like to feel
cuz what will help me I don't know
but the pain serves a purpose its how I can deal

I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want to hurt myself
sensitive, out of balance, imperfect and fragile
all words that can represent me and the state of my health

In a flash I can switch
strong, free willed, smart and happy
to self loathing, angry a feeling much stronger than just crappy

I don't know how to cure myself but I want to not for your sake
if their is one thing my self injury has taught me
to not care about myself first is the biggest mistake
ForgetHate ForgetHate
26-30, F
Dec 8, 2012