My Name Is Michael....

It started when i was just 7 in fourth grade. I made the first slice on my wrist and i felt some sort of high. A release I've never felt before. I have struggle with this all through middle school when I first got caught. I had to see a counselor and my father(I grew up without my mother) was not happy about my new addiction. He was upset and obviously wanted me to stop. I had stopped for a little while until at the age of 13 he passed. Afterwards I ran back to the only comfort I've known cutting. It went on for a year I stopped again due to the guardian I live with now found out. I as of last year started up again and I don't think i can stop this time. I'm beyond addicted to it. The cuts getting deeper each time to where they stay open and bleed so much to where I feel the throbbing throughout my entire wrist. I use it as comfort.. as a way to release all my rage and depression. I feel pressured in to many ways and it gets to me it seems to be the only thing that calms me. Recently as my depression has seemed to be getting worse so has the cutting and it's almost like I can't feel it as much. It seems not to do much so I have to go deeper and do more. It's an endless cycle that I don't know if I can stop. I have recently gotten suicidal thoughts.. I just don't know how strong I am anymore. I want to hold on but all the cuts and scars and thoughts are getting to be to much..I don't want my family to think that it was their fault or anything and I don't want to leave them with that kind of grief I suppose that is the main reason why I still for now I live life sad.. I want to be happy I wan to find happiness... I just don't know where to look.
michaelanestheticx michaelanestheticx
2 Responses Jan 5, 2013

You're worth more than you think. You're an important, perfect person <3

Stay Strong <3 Everything will be alright