My Story.

My life has been different from most people's. Not in a good way. Year after year has been a struggle for myself and my family. I'm posting this today on advice from a friend who said it would help. I've had the hardest year of my life in 2012. Everything became too much for me to handle. Almost a year ago now, march last year, I lost my best friend. But to me she was more than that. I loved her. Was in love with her. Am I love with her. She means the world to me. But she had a boyfriend who she loved very much, he, to me, was a total **** head... But she didn't see it. After he had managed to hurt her over the space of a few months I was the shoulder for her to cry on, I was there for her, I always was. But she went back to him.... And then decided she didn't need me anymore. My heart was broken. I had a boyfriend myself. I did love him, but not like I loved her. After a few months I wasn't able to continue with him because I didn't have her anymore, it was just a reminder of how I was reflecting my love for her onto him and I was heart broken without her. I lost all of my others friends along with her. My fall into self harm began... Again. This time I had another problem to accompany this. I had found an odd comfort in alcohol and being drunk was a real comfort to me. I fell, and fell, and fell. I spiralled into a horrible depression, my family were never around, I had no-one. My school work was too much for me, I found myself losing control of everything.
I've been on anti-depressants for a few weeks now. I made new friends who I can talk too. And I've met a boy. Since I admitted to myself that I was in love with someone I couldn't be with it's been easier to get over. With my friends with me I've felt better. I've not cut myself for 1 weeks and 4 days now. The boy I have met is incredible to me, he has made me feel beautiful. He is kind, sweet, caring and funny. We've been seeing each other alot lately and he understands my cutting and has been helping me stop. I havnt had a drink for 5 days. I'm feeling so much better. I'm really hoping it goes somewhere with him as he makes me so so so so happy!! Tonight though, I've felt bad again. I'm ashamed of myself, my scars. I always cover up... Should I have too? I don't want people to look down on me but at the same time should I have to hide myself away because society is ugly?
SurvivingStill SurvivingStill
18-21, F
Jan 9, 2013