My Self Harm Story

I've self harmed for a couple of years now. It started off with rather blunt blades that didn't do an awful lot of damage unless I constantly dug them in, and then I went onto using sharper blades, and cutting deeper. I do it to help relieve the stresses in my life, I find alot of things very stressful and get very anxious about alot of things, so it just helps to calm my nerves. I know that it's not the best sort of way to help, but it helps me.

I don't do it all the time, I'll do it for a few weeks at a time and then Ill calm down for a bit and manae to handle a couple of weeks, but it always comes back. The more I do it, the worse it's gotten, I used to do it on my upper arm and forearm, were the damage wouldn't be fatal, but then it went onto my wrists.

I hate the scars, but I suppose it's all my fault there there. I always have my arms covered up, I can't bare to have them on show, and I'll always have a sweat band on my wrist so that it is covered up.

It doesn't hurt, and that's the hard thing to explain to people when they ask, but it's hard to explain that the only thing that's running through your mind when your doing it is all these bad thoughts, and that takes away any amount of pain that I could cause myself to be in. I doesn't exactly not hurt, but you just don't think of the pain do you? It's just not what you think about, it's just the fact that you can punish yourself for bad things that have happened that you felt are your fault, and you would feel relieved that you can do that.

It's just a relief, it's not wrong, it can be dangerous but thats why you watch what your doing and be careful, I know I am, I wouldn't want anyone to find me dead in a pool of my own blood, that just wouldn't be fare on them, and as long as I remember that, it won't ever be a real risk, just a coping method.

sezy sezy
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 8, 2007

even though self harm is not the healthiest way of coping, its YOUR way of coping. Ive been doing it for 8 years now, around the time i was 11. When i came clean to my therapist, i thought was gonna be judged and talked down to, but she told me, "everyone has their own way of dealing with stress and strong emotions, for some people its running, some its doing yard work, ...ect, but for you its cutting, and she said thats ok, its the way that makes you feel better, and that is ok", granted working towards other coping methods is key, but for now its my way of dealing with stress until i get used to the other coping methods.

anyone who is genuinely suffering with this a really, really, good support forum is www.buslist.org/phpBB i am a moderator there called Neviah. I joined up in 2005, i am now almost 4 years free with a few slips. <br />
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Don't be alone, it's real, it's serious, its coping. xx

I agree with this 100%. you are correct about the pain thing.. It hurts. but it doesnt. your mind isnt focused on the pain of the cut. its focused on the emotional pain. and that cut is releasing it.<br />
I am not ashamed of it. but I hide it. Self harm keeps me from suicide. The scars dont bother me. and neither does the blood. Like we've all said. its just a coping method. and as long as you are careful. it shouldnt become anything more then that.

people dont understand that thou your either trying to kil urself or attention seeking.Can they not see that its a way to cope and actually there a lot worse things but the only reason we ever talk about it to anyone doctors or a best friend is because someday we like to not cope using that method but for now its away of surving not giving in. xx