Im Not Depressed

I dont cut myself when im feeling depressed when im depressed i write poetry or music but its when im angry at myself that i cut. I hadn't done it for a while until the other day when my mum was yelling at me for locking the dog outside in the rain for half an hour (by accident of course..i didnt know he was still outside in the garden so i shut the door) but i felt soo angry at myself for doing it that i started making cuts on the lower part of my arm and neck again....when ive done it i feel some relief but then a little while after i feel bad and aashamed that i had done it...mostly i do it with scissors but a few times at school i have used my biro pen! im so ashamed that i do it and its over stupid little things!! i can hide them away easily and because i work at a retail shop i often cut myself when mving boxes or on teh shelving so people dont question me...but i just feel so bad about what i do.....sorry i have written such a long story its just ive never wrote this publicly before...i have written letters to friends and family confessing what i do but never had the guts to send them.

lifenotknife lifenotknife
26-30, F
6 Responses Aug 15, 2007

you're not alone, but you need some help with this, it will become a bigger and bigger problem. it is serious.<br />
<br />
www.buslist.org/phpBB contact "Neviah" when you arrive (im a mod there)

I know exactly how you feel. i really have to try hard not to do it when my mom gets mad at me for not remembering to do my chores and stuff, it really makes me feel pathetic

i'm sorry. I self-harm too. Last year me and my friends had a fight and they ditched me. Then i started cutting my arms lightly. Even though i've made new friends i still do it. It's addictive, like drugs. So, i understand how you feel!

yea i know exsactly what u feel like i do it to as a punishment and i know i sholdnt and i do feel worse after but i just seem to stop atm. hopefully we will all get better and not have to do it someday xo

Thankyou so much for not thinking bad of me i was almost in tears writing that because it made me feel so ashamed and guilty!! im so glad that you havent judged me and i am getting better i got very upset and angry at work the other day and i managed to control i except i did get very stressed out for the rest of the day. xxx

Sounds like you're way too hard on yourself sometimes. But sharing = courage as sezziy said. So you're a step closer! *hug*