My Fall Into Self Harm

I don't remember the first time I ever hurt myself...but I remember how I did it.

I had a lot of family issues when I was younger, I was always fighting with family...and feeling as if I "lost" the arguements the majority of the time. Which was extremely frustrating after a couple years.

After a fight with family I went to my room and cried, and still felt angry and frustrated, I screamed in the pillow and felt the same.  Nothing was working like it did before...I raised my hand and scratched my arm as hard as I could. The stinging was amazing, and I scratched more...and I felt calm, and tired...but most of all at peace. That was in 8th grade.

By 10th grade I was cutting my shoulders with boxcutters, and bruising my arms(I moved on from scratching by then).

I thought it was crazy and physcho to cut your wrists. I thought I never would.

Relief turned to curiousity, and eventually craving to go further. To see more blood, to feel a bit more dizzy, to see a few more cuts.

Eventually my wrist was covered in cuts. I've stopped cutting that particular part as much, just the occasional cut...one I can cover with a hair tie.

However now I've started a new trend of cutting my thighs.

 

Thinking back I thought I would never actually use razors or knives or anything like that, let alone draw blood. But look at me now. For those who have recently started this downward spiral stop while you can. Remember, I thought I would never come to this point...EVER.(I'm in 11

th grade now and things have only been getting worse)

otter3 otter3
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I get how you feel<br />
and i dont think people understand how addictive it is...<br />
but i totally understand what your going through cause im going through it too<br />
Im a bit younger than you<br />
--Harmony