Hi!....

Well I just joined a few minutes ago and I really don't know what to say so im just going to tell you about why i joined... My name is Angela and I am 13 years old. I started cutting myself when I ws in sixth grade and now I don't know if I can stop. I've been able to stop for weeks, sometimes months and then I think that I've recovered and that I won't do it again but then I usually end up cutting myself again. .... That's what happened to me and then yesterday I started to cut myself. I cut myself because it makes me feel better. It lets me release my anger on myself instead of other people.(i have an anger problem) it makes me feel like i'm releasing all my worry and fears. It usually helps me when im mad and it usually makes me feel better. My mom doesn't say anything about it even though she's seen my scars so I don't know if she really cares. I could do anything I wanted and I don't know if she'd really notice. I mean she hangs out with me but she doesn't talk about me cutting or my scars? Does it sound like she cares???? I hang out with her alot but it's usually because I ask her to. And even sometime when I ask her she says she has things to do. I mean what could she have to do. She doesn't have a job, she stays home all the time, shes a clean freak and cleans the house alot though... But couldn't she take time out of her "non" busy schedrele to see that her daughter is trying to get her attention. That I just want to be loved by somebody, for somebody to notice me. My mom's usually obsessing and putting all her attention on my stepdad and my sister(who she kicked out!). No one knows that I self harm except this other boy at my school who is kind of my friend(he cuts his self too)... I'm afraid to tell people. people already pick on me because they say im a dork, im too quiet, im ugly, etc.....  I wish that someone would notice that I just wanted someone to notice me. I have friends. Not alot though. I'm afraid to tell them because they make fun of emo's so i just laugh along with them though seccretly wishing to tell them to stop picking on emo's and tell them i'm an emo too, but I don't want to lose my friends. I would tell my sister but then she would tell everybody and I don't want everybody to know! then i'd get yelled at by everybody. I hate getting yelled at and that's all everybody's going to do if anybody finds out. thats why i stick to only letting my kind of friend jaden know... He understands and he promises not to tell anybody. So far he's kept his secret.

Angelaisinvisible Angelaisinvisible
13-15, F
1 Response Mar 5, 2010

Hunni i think your mum is the way she is towards you because she has no idea how too approach you. You need to tell her if you feel you can if not then go too your nurse, you dont really need to tell her about you cutting but tell her your not happy and you have built up anger... i hope you understand where im coming from coz its alot easier knowing someone knows that your a selfharmer because then you are more aware off what your doing ... hope you manage to tell someone other than another selfharmer ..... take care xxx