Self Hatred Makes Me Self Injure

I dont know if there is MUCH of a story to tell; because I cut for only one reason... It makes me feel good: calm and in control. How people see me has ALWAYS been very important and acting out my anger and hurt was never really an option. I found cutting to be a quick, discreet way of keeping me calm and collected during times where I feel like my character is being attacked or when my feelings are being hurt. Its my way of saying; you cant hurt me, ONLY I CAN HURT ME. You cant hate me or think so low of me and expect it to be any worse than how much I hate me. I was once told "a person has to have alot of self hatred to want to take blade to their skin"... well in my case; that is true. But as far as I know; i control that hatred, that pain, and even the smallest drop of blood can stop the possibility of tears and yelling.
13YrsOFCutting 13YrsOFCutting
26-30, F
3 Responses Apr 16, 2012

Me too man, I tear myself apart so I don't tear the lives of those around me apart.

Well know your NOT ALONE... sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world HATEFUL enough to do these things... i dont PERSONALLY know anyone else who struggles with this, but I know if there were, it be alot easier :/

That's how I feel, too