Self Injury

I don't know. It feels good, feeling the blood come out. The pain from the brand new, sharp blade. Seeing the scars and marks a few days later. It pleases me, and I'm not sure why.

Yes, I think about suicide. I don't think I'll ever do it, but I have a plan for if I ever need to. Yes, I have depression. And yes, I deserve to suffer. I deserve this.

I'm not normal. I'm transgender, but Mom and Dad would hate that. I'm bi and no one would understand. I have a crush on my best girl friend, but she won't feel the same. Those are things that lead me to this.

And the bullies. There are some days when they bully me online and I feel like posting a picture of my arm with a caption saying, "Is it funny now, b*tch?" If I did that, though, my parents would send me to a mental hospital. I don't need help. I deserve to suffer.

One of my friends found out and made me see the school counselor. I talked to her about my depression and decided to tell her what I do to my arm. She dismissed me before I could because she was out of time and said she'd call me back to see her in a few days. It's been three weeks. She doesn't care.

So, I decided if anyone forces me to get help, I'll refuse it and just not talk. Ever.

And this is my story. It's not done yet and it won't be until I die. I don't deserve to be here, so I deserve to be punished with this pain.
Hiway202 Hiway202
18-21, F
Nov 29, 2012