Here To Gain Wisdom

I just read some of the stories here, trying to gain insight to why I self-sabotage. Of the stories I read, seems common issues are control, trust, self-destruction, anger, and poor self-esteem. Here's my personal story on self-sabotage:

I was abused as a child, and neglected. Presently, my family seems to have given up on me. I have very few friends. Seems nothing I try to better my financial situation, or to get me around people, seems to work out. It's like I try, and things don't go fast enough for me, and soon, I get angry waiting on others to help me out. Or, I might get a project started, like the illustrated children's book I put together 5 years ago, and when it comes to making it happen and I need to relate to them in some manner, I freeze, and can't seem to take that next step. You know, the one where if I do it, and it's successful, it could change my life signifcantly.

I loose the ambition to take it one more step. Afraid of success. Afraid of failure. Afraid of being seen. Afraid of changing. It's very frustrating. With my inaction, I sink deeper into depression, sink deeper into the pit I am living in. Then, after spending time berating myself, and feeling sorry for myself, I come up with something else to do, usually a sure fire way of improving my life, in my mind. And the cycle starts all over again. I get to feel how lonely I am, how much of a failure I am, and I begin wondering if  life is worth living. In other words, I get to feel sorry for myself. I get to keep blaming others. I get to feel I was wronged, and, that I am right, that everyone doesn't care, or that they truly want to desroy me. The saying, "I'm right and you're wrong," applies here.Then, I look at how they must look at me, a pitiful soul who just doesn't get it. Another reason to feel sorry for myself.

Can anyone relate to my story? I would love to hear any insights, thoughts, comments, and especially how you overcame self-sabotage. Thank you.
TotallyMiffed TotallyMiffed
4 Responses Oct 8, 2011

You described to a Tee! I am a serial starter but fall short on finishing anything... I am also here to read stories to gain insight. I suffer from depression and now I just waiver between anger at God and the world and barely registering any excitement on life. its a horrid way to live. Thanks for sharing your story!

I just googled "self sabotage" and "molested" in an effort to find answers about why I do the things that I do. your story here described me to a T. Although that doesn't give me any answers it helps significantly to know that I am not alone in all of this. Thank you for sharing your story.

It's been a while since I wrote that. I am happy to say I am experiencing a time of being free of much of that bad habit. What helped me was to realize how much of that I did to myself, and letting go of the anger of the past. And deciding that if stuff did come up that was getting in my way of my plans, was to let it. Maybe God has a different plan for me. Maybe that will help you, maybe not. But I hope it does. Blessings to you.

that s exactly me the person you describe here.. and i am tired of coming up with solutions only to sabotage them. m just tired