Here To Gain WisdomI just read some of the stories here, trying to gain insight to why I self-sabotage. Of the stories I read, seems common issues are control, trust, self-destruction, anger, and poor self-esteem. Here's my personal story on self-sabotage:
I was abused as a child, and neglected. Presently, my family seems to have given up on me. I have very few friends. Seems nothing I try to better my financial situation, or to get me around people, seems to work out. It's like I try, and things don't go fast enough for me, and soon, I get angry waiting on others to help me out. Or, I might get a project started, like the illustrated children's book I put together 5 years ago, and when it comes to making it happen and I need to relate to them in some manner, I freeze, and can't seem to take that next step. You know, the one where if I do it, and it's successful, it could change my life signifcantly.
I loose the ambition to take it one more step. Afraid of success. Afraid of failure. Afraid of being seen. Afraid of changing. It's very frustrating. With my inaction, I sink deeper into depression, sink deeper into the pit I am living in. Then, after spending time berating myself, and feeling sorry for myself, I come up with something else to do, usually a sure fire way of improving my life, in my mind. And the cycle starts all over again. I get to feel how lonely I am, how much of a failure I am, and I begin wondering if life is worth living. In other words, I get to feel sorry for myself. I get to keep blaming others. I get to feel I was wronged, and, that I am right, that everyone doesn't care, or that they truly want to desroy me. The saying, "I'm right and you're wrong," applies here.Then, I look at how they must look at me, a pitiful soul who just doesn't get it. Another reason to feel sorry for myself.
Can anyone relate to my story? I would love to hear any insights, thoughts, comments, and especially how you overcame self-sabotage. Thank you.