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Fade Already

I had cut before this, but one day I was in the worst mood. I was contemplating suicide more than I ever had before.
So to remove the thoughts, I got drunk. How stupid.

The thoughts came back and before I knew it I was standing in the shower with an open pair of scissors. I cut into my wrist, so deep, I thought I was cutting into my arteries, but I was a little off, so i tried again. Even deeper this time, and luckily missed again.
I also cut into my thigh 3 times, far deeper than on my wrist.
I bled so much, I collapsed so I was sitting down, I was just sat there shaking.
I was sitting in a pool of blood that was slowly being sucked down the drain. I shortly passed out.

I woke up drowsy and still drunk, I couldn't believe myself.
I was covered in blood.

It has been 5 months and the scars are still huge, I use Bio oil to help them fade but they are sure taking their time. I have to wear long sleeved tops and long enough pants to cover my leg scars, but its getting so hot I cant bare it.
2 weeks ago I had an operation, and the surgeon saw my scars as he was injecting anesthetic into my arm. i was HUMILIATED.
I think my mum knows, shes been treating me really delicately, I hate it.
But I just wish they would PISSSS OFFFFFF

UGH
devourme devourme 16-17, F Aug 25, 2012

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