Well....here Goes.

I don't want any one to say anything on this, I just to get it out, somewhere. I'm assuming other SHers will understand. I started about a year ago, by clawing myself. I would dig in my fingernails as deep as I could and do it over and over again. Sometimes it bled, sometimes it didn't. Then 3 days ago, my nails weren't enough. It wasn't easy enough. It didn't cause enough pain. I used a scissors. They aren't very deep, but there are about 25 of them on my forearm. And now, as I write this, 15 mins ago I added a few more to the list. I tried writing on my arm first, it helped a bit, but not enough to stop me.The last few days, it's been 95 degrees out here, and I have had no other choice but to wear a hoodie.Makeup hasn't been working well.Now here's the weird part, I love my cuts, I think they're beautiful. I WANT scars, but I want to stop. Hell, if I don't stop, it's just going to get worse, much worse, and I'll have all the scars I could dream of. I'm trying to last longer and longer before I have to do it again, but counting the days just makes me more aware of it, and need to cut again. I'm still in school, it started a few days ago. No one has noticed yet, i don't think. How I fake my smile and laugh just along with them, praying they don't see through it. I do look 'emo' but I've always looked this way, since, well, probably 3rd grade. (7 years ago). Well....thanks for reading I guess, please don't message me, please don't do anything.
jinkxthewolf jinkxthewolf
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 6, 2012

I haven't cut but I've been close