The pain is what I can feel because I've blocked allemotion so I feel nothing but eemptiness. I have deep seated issues from my past and the things that happen now. So I cut my self to feel something even if its pain. Its to the point wherei actually love the feeling of a blade cutting through my skin. I have a. Big x over my heart cause I want to cut it out because all it is is useless weight that draggs me down.