This Has Been Going On For Way Too Long...

Cutting myself makes me feel... alive. For some twisted reason, I find satisfaction in seeing blood. It is such a beautiful colour... I have been trying to stop for almost half a year... Its just so addictive. I find that I can pass hours cutting my arm with a knife, not deep enough to cause a waterfall of blood, just a trickle, and I become lost in thoughts that I cant control. Thoughts of what it would be like if I took this cutting a step farther. What it would be like if one day I just... lost it. It makes me feel... lost.