I Can't Stop
I haven't been self harming for very long...I only really started doing it 3 months ago. But I'm addicted, I can't stop. I have scars all over my arms and legs. I finally found a way to let out my self-hatred. I feel like no one cares about me so it's not hurting anyone but me. I like that. I feel like I deserve it, I SHOULD have marks on my body because I'm worthless and no one will love me anyway so it's not all that important how scarred I am. Everytime something or someone upsets me, I cut. Sometimes for no reason at all, just because it was exhausting trying to make it through the day. All my days are bad. I feel like I am all alone. I feel like I annoy people when I talk to them, so I barely talk to anyone. I act like I'm happy around my friends, and they never ask. But when I go home none of the people I hang out with try to text me or talk to me or make plans, and it makes it worse. My mom treats it like it's a nuisance to her, like I'm cutting myself on purpose to irritate her. I wish she didn't know, that also makes it worse. Even my therapist says I am doing it to "fit in". I cannot stand it. It's driving me crazy. I cut several times a day now...and everything keeps getting worse.