My Name Is Charlotte And This Is My Story:First of all I beg of you not to judge me for my mistakes. Also I live in the UK and would love someone to talk to me over text. It would mean the world just to have a friend so please contact me: 07732347209.
My name is Charlotte. I am 14 years old. This is my story:
I have bipolar disorder. I've known since I was 11 but have never been taken seriously by my parents. My first time witnessing depression was as a small child. My father has depression and he was always quite angry when I was little. I can remember being frightened of him.
When I was 9 my mother had a breakdown (she is also bipolar) and I was forced to live with my father for a year. By this time my father was on antidepressants and I was no longer afraid of him.
My first real mistake was a serious one. I sent out naked pictures of myself to a bunch of men on the internet. You must understand that I'm 13 stone at the age of 14 and all I've ever wanted was for someone to want me. They told me I was attractive and I was poisened by my first taste of real attention. I told few people but it was when i confided in my step-sister (who is my age) it all took a turn for the worse. She immediately told my parents. While my mum was phoning the police, i first felt suicidal. I prayed for death so hard my eyes turned dry. My first injection of attention was what set me up for my next mistake.
After this was when i first self harmed. It was with a blunt kitchen knife and it barely scratched me. I would do it in the morning so i could show them off at school the next day. The attention was a constant high and i fed off it, which fueled my biggest mistake.
In the late year of 2012 i told a few friends i had lost my virginity. This was a lie. I told them that i was in a relationship with a 25 year old man. This was a lie. They lapped up my story and i lied and lied, spiraling more and more out of controll. I am trully, trully ashamed to say that by the end of this string of lies i had gone through two 'pregnancys' and three 'gang rapes'. It's shocking. I know. It wasn't long before my worried friends did the thing i dreaded. My worst nightmare came true. They went to pupil services and told the counceller my whole story. I was forced to tell teachers and family that i was a filthy lier. I can say with my head hung in shame that i am trully appalled at my behaviour.
Months passed and all seemed well up until i relapsed. I hadn't even thought of self harm up until my friends started. I moved from kitchen knives to pencil sharpener blades. I destroyed both my wrists by november 2012.
Only a week after ending my counselling i completely covered both my legs in cuts. It was the biggest high i had ever experienced.
I am sat here now, and i must say, i am craving the comfort of my blades. I hope you don't judge me too harshly as it has taken all my courage to share this. Please please contact me. A friend that understands would be fabulous. I hope to hear from you.
charlottecuts 13-15, F 4 Responses 5 Jan 27, 2013