My Selfharm Story

My names Brianna, my selfharming started when I was 13, then I never really understood what it was all about, but the more I read about it and seen pictures I then started to get an idea. It began when I was going with this boy, after a month into our relationship I told him that I took grass which he wasn't very happy about, he called me every name and made me feel like nothing.. after that I lost 2 bestfriends, at that point my world felt like it was falling apart, but it wasn't.. it was only trembling. I couldn't stick the name calling or the trapped emotions and feelings, I didn't know how to cope and to this day.. I still can never explain my past to people to make them understand. After having everything trapped in me, I tried suicide. I just couldn't do it. so a year went by and I never found myself cutting until recently.. about 5 months ive been cutting due to severe anxiety, extreme depression, family problems, selfhate, almost everything except for eating disorder, although im not happy on my weight and looks. things have changed for me now, im now in a 2 year relationship with a boy I truly love, hes helping me through a lot. but my family problems are still bad, im not going into detail, I use to cut my arm until the day my mummy and daddy caught and seen them , they argued and shouted and made me feel like ****, they watched the tears fall from my face, I felt worthless, lost, powerless, I felt invisible to my family then. and sometimes I still do... I don't want attention or help from them cause ive tried way to much to help them understand what im going through, now whats really the problem is.. theres something dark and evil controlling me, ive lost myself, I cant be happy, this doesn't seem bad because like I said, I still am unsure how to explain. ive cut my arm, currently at my upper arm so no one can see, my stomach, back and legs, ive attempted suicide 3 times. my family make me feeling useless and like a failure, my family problems are like a bad dream only.. you cant wake up. Now im recovering, ive attended counseling several times, and that's the path I choose to go in futre, counseling. 1 word I would use to describe myself would be 'understanding'. my problems may not be as bad as others but everyone finds their own problems different, hard and scary in their own ways. im here for anyone, alos this will help prepare me for counseling if you need some advice, ive helped numerous people due to different problems. everyone says 'keep strong'.. honestly no one can keep strong for long.. I say, keep fighting and after you've won that battle, you can stand tall and say proudly that you won a hard fight!
briannaduffy briannaduffy
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2013

Your story is very inspiring and I completely agree with everything you've said! Stay strong and remember that someone always loves you :)