Ok, some people believe self harm is only cutting yourself. But let me tell you self harm can be done in so many more ways.

I've always had an issue with anger, and a big one at that. But I will never hurt another living creature when I am angry. Instead I will take it out on myself. I've done this a variety of ways over the past few years. (Burning, starving myself, hitting myself and other inanimate objects and cutting) I must have done this every time I have been angry for 5 years. Whether I the pain I feel is what someone has done to me, or I have inflicted on someone I will always take it out on myself. I will always blame myself.

I have had an awful summer regarding family issues, relationship issues, financial issues and the loss of a loved one. It got to much and I attempted suicide. I was pulled away from hanging myself moments before jumping. I was given a second chance at life.

This didn't mean the self harming went away, because I felt awful about what I had tried to do. But I needed to stop my habit. So I went out skateboarding.. Skateboarding is something I have done for most of my life and it is something I love dearly. Then something clicked in my head, skateboarding hurts when you fall but it feels so much better when you land something you want. So I started trying stair sets (which I would not normally do) and yes I fell and yes it hurt. But I didn't care because I knew it was going to hurt and I wanted to be hurt. But the moment I landed it without falling I felt incredible. I felt relieved from everything. So of course I moved into bigger and better things and it repeated. You could say I still self harm through skateboarding because I know I'm going to fall. But it has pushed me, it takes all my problems away because I'm so focused on that one trick and I skate with a cause. To clear my mind and feel free. Skateboarding has been my saviour this summer, so I ask everyone struggling with self harm.. Pick yourself up and go do something you love and frees your mind. For me that thing is Skateboarding. So whenever I feel down I grab my board and head out and think to myself.. Sweat is better than blood and tears.
Redmaynes Redmaynes
22-25, M
Aug 20, 2014