Me & The Blade

i am 17 and first started cutting at 11 at first it was a cut here a cut there then it became alot more often and eventually became everyday when i was stressed i'd cut when i was angry i'd cut when i had any thing in my life that i dint like. i started carrying a bag around with me it had bandages in it, wipes, an old top full off blood, and 2 razor blades and a sharpener blade, i hated carrying it around with me but i couldn't leave it i felt vunerable with out it anything could happen and i couldn't let my pain out if i didn't have the blades with me i could go mad and kill myself throw myself off the bridge but with the blades it would'nt have to go that far i could control the pain i have no real friends i mean i have friends but none of them can protect me from myself like the blades can   "some babies have blankets to keep them safe "


fallingfast fallingfast
22-25, F
7 Responses Jan 2, 2010

all i can say is i know how that feels :(

I used to carry razor blades with me at one point in time but 2 of my friends found out about the whole cutting issue and they used to take them from me. I guess it was their way of trying to help and it probably did in a way cuz now I figured out how to gothrough the day without it. I still do it at night though, especially when I get really overwhelmed (which is quite often lately) but I think there's hope for us. I'm willing to chat if you want, doesn't necessarily have to be about cutting.
:) *Lekseia*

I'm 16 and I started cutting when I was 12 or 13. I didn't want to stop so I just kept going. I never carried my blades around with me because - well - the thought never really crossed my mind that I could do that. Eventually I went to far and decided that I needed help. You need to get help. I know I may sound like your mother but you deserve to live a happy life and you don't need blades to get satisfaction. Put them down. <br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Lizzie xo <3

i do the same thing. I have a little purple box with two blades in. I get new blades every month as they go blunt. I dont carry bandages tho. I just let them bleed. I used to get into trouble a lot with my anger issues, but when i started cutting i never got into trouble anymore because i didnt lash out and throw things around classrooms. It also helped with my selective mutism as i used it as a punishment for not talking. I couldnt help not talking but i did it anyway. <br />
<br />
not many people understand the relationship we have with our blades, or whatever we use. They dont think that self harm is a coping method when it really is. No one who bullied me knew that they were one of the reasons for my self harm. They didnt know i did it. and in a way it was a kind of mental block, when i did it i didnt hear them anymore and didnt need to protect myself, the blades did that for me. <br />
<br />
Loive you lots, <br />
Jodie x

I've never carried anything with me. But I would make my own, like use my nails or pencils or rusty sink faucets. I used to cut all the time when I was a freshmen. Then I stopped. Then I did it again recently last month. I miss it. I wish I could give you advice. Lie to you and tell you everything will get better and that there are better ways to handle your pain. But that only pissed me off when people told me that stuff. They don't understand. You'll have to find your own fix, just like everyone else. :D

i havent gotten that far as to carying the blades with me but i have attempted to cut my knucles with a razor blade. i never told anyone with and it brings we great pain. and the thing is i dont even know why i am in so much pain, and im petrified to tell anyone. there isnt one day that goes by w/o suicidal thoughts, and feel like screaming out into the sky "WHY ME!!" why do i have to go through all this torture and i dont even know why half the time. im sorry you are feeling this way because it is not pleasant at all. I just hope we both can make it through.

I understand. I carry a cutter or any sharp ob<x>ject with me all the time + wipes. I know that feeling. I know how you'd feel vulnerable without it with you. If you want to talk, you can message me, e-mail me or anything. Love. x