I'm 17, i've been cutting for a few months. I didnt mean for it to get this far, so that i couldnt stop and so that i needed to do it to survive and cope.
At the same time, i wish i had thought of doing it all those years when i just suffered alone with no escape and no way to get relief.
I'm confused, i dont know whether i love it or hate it. Whether i am proud or ashamed. If i love my cuts or hate them. If i want to stop or if i dont. I get such a mix of feelings about it.
I just want stability and control in my life, i want the pain to go away. I go to a counselor now, she helps, but i dont think she realises just how much i hurt inside cause i simply cant express it properly. She's the only person who knows i cut. i need her, i need help, i need to stop SH, i need to keep SH. Its all a bit of a mess now :(