I Realise Where I’m Sitting

I hate it when this happens, when I realise where I’m sitting.

I am listing irresponsibly, inconsolably and uncontrollably through a vast ocean of self-doubt. I realise that I am still here. Still in this ocean. The last time I realised, I vowed to get out, but then I realise that four months has gone by and I am still here!

Floundering as I am, as I do, in the ocean, I wonder what I could do to get out, but then the ocean stirs, the waves whip up and I am tossed violently in the world of cascading finances.

I realise that if I get out of the ocean, I am plunged head first into a finance black hole. I realise that if I stay in the ocean, I am safe, though thoroughly disappointed and angry.

Then I see. I see exactly what it is that is keeping me in the ocean. For I have an indisputable, unquestionable, incontestable burden tied firmly to my ankles.

Am I condemned to a watery grave?
Subjugate Subjugate
22-25, M
Aug 2, 2010