I Selfharm a Lot
Hi im 17 years old and i only recently found this site , i thought about commenting
on other peoples stories but then i decided it would better if i started off by telling my own first !
Im still in school and things have been hard but they are starting to look up , no matter how hard things are
i think when you give things time there is always hope , ive read so many stories and alot of them break my heart
Because i know how hard it is , self harming is an addiction and depression is an ilness that so many teenagers and even
children face . When i was about 15 i started to self harm , my family life was fine it was the fact that i felt alone alot of the
time , i started worrying about not having any friends and being on my own after my best friend racheal moved away
This was when i was about 14 and it was a pretty hard thing for me too deal with because she was a big part of my life
my life changed after that i felt empty and afraid that i would be no good at making new friends cause i didnt have many in school
on the first day after the summer i got back too school it was hard because everyone in my class looked down on me because i
in the ''cool group'' this hurt me so much and i hated school because of it . But that year my life changed i met a girl
she had just moved to my school her name was michelle and she seemed really nice and normal after about 3 months we became best friends . I joined this club in my town where i met loads of new friends and they were true friend there was a group who came over
from america to run it and it was where i became more confident and more myself .
School was good now but since me and michelle started hanging around with the ''cool group'' it came with a whole lot of new
pressures , started smoking and drinking ,i knew it wasent me but i liked the group i was in and i didnt want to change that.
I visited racheal lots of times and she visited me too. Dispite the long distance we are stil best friends nearly four years later.
In the club i went to i met this guy he told me he had liked me and he made it pretty obvious to he was such a lovley guy we got
on so well together i learned that i could trust him with everything we became boyfriend and girl friend after 4 months of
Getting to know one another, we both came to love each other he knew everything about me , things how ever took a turn for the
worst . Following year my best friend michelle found a new best friend and made no time for me any more . She changed and was
in the bitchy group ,i was still in her group but it was different between us . We werent best friends any more i loss the best friend i
used to talk too. And that hurt me so much , that club stopped going on because the group went back to america i missed it all so
much everything was different and i felt alone again all i had was my boyfriend and i was even afraid id lose him. Those bitchy
friends in school werent real friends i fell out with my one childhood best friend too because to her i had changed . I started one
night to self harm i didnt know why i did it but it made me feel better or like i had somewhere to let my insercurities out and my
fear of losing friends . I kept doing it after that my boyfriend noticed at first he was mad because he was scared and he didn't
want to see me hurt i tryed to explain i felt alone . He didnt see why i couldnt just leave that bitchy group of friends , it was a long
Dark year in school none of them girls were there when i needed them. The next year after summer i came back too school tierd of
everything just hoping my last year of school would get better i was afraid of getting depressed again.
After the first month it was the same old **** one day they all back stabbed me so bad i went home and wrote letters to my parents
and my boyfriend i was sick and tierd of everything and i know it might sound stupid but i felt i had no other way out i walked
down into the woods on haloween night and put the rope around the tree it felt so dark and real all the voices and thoughts hated
myself , i started crying that night and i just sat down by the tree i was being such an idiot and i was scaring myself right then and
there i knew i didnt have the balls to do it i told myself if things got worse i would do it again . Another girl in my town killed herslf
that same night i knew how she felt it killed her family too i felt guilty for wanting to do it,my boyfriend new i was down when he saw
Me next he kept asking me what was wrong after a few hours of him asking i tryed telling him he hugged me but i knew he
was worried i didnt want my parents too know . While i was away staying up with my sister they read my diary where i wrote
all my thoughts i was so mad but then i got help my boyfriend was proud of me
one night about 3 months ago we were on the phone he told me he wasent happt any more
he wanted to break up . I couldnt belive the only person in my life that i trusted
had enough of me and i was to much for him all that i had gone through was to much , i told him i understood amd
it was okay . It hurt me so much to here he was with another girl a week later. That same night i got off the phone to him a friend
called she was crying and told me that racheal ''the friend that moved away tried to kill her self and she was in a coma in hospital
i broke down because if i had told her what i had been going through i could have helped her
i went and told my dad everything that night and he hugged me . That childhood friend i mensioned new racheal
she came over the next morning to stay with me . I heard news that morning that she woke up and she had no brain damage
with in three weeks she was out of hospital . When i came back to school i ended up finding the perfect group of lovley friends i knew
they were true friends because when they heard about the break up they helped me
through i became best friends with my old childhood friend again i had missed her so mucj
the pressure in school was gone my old friends bitched about me but i didnt mind because i felt better about myself.
I went to visit racheal she is doing just fine i told her about everything and she opened up to me
its still hard at times because i miss being with my boy friend we still talk but it hurts .
Through everything ive been made stronger its a pitty he couldnt stick around for the new me but i know im better
off i know that was a hell of a long story things still get hard im still in concelling but i know no matter how hard things get
its not worth ending things because what dosent kill you makes you stronger and some days some how things will get easier xx
on other peoples stories but then i decided it would better if i started off by telling my own first !
Im still in school and things have been hard but they are starting to look up , no matter how hard things are
i think when you give things time there is always hope , ive read so many stories and alot of them break my heart
Because i know how hard it is , self harming is an addiction and depression is an ilness that so many teenagers and even
children face . When i was about 15 i started to self harm , my family life was fine it was the fact that i felt alone alot of the
time , i started worrying about not having any friends and being on my own after my best friend racheal moved away
This was when i was about 14 and it was a pretty hard thing for me too deal with because she was a big part of my life
my life changed after that i felt empty and afraid that i would be no good at making new friends cause i didnt have many in school
on the first day after the summer i got back too school it was hard because everyone in my class looked down on me because i
in the ''cool group'' this hurt me so much and i hated school because of it . But that year my life changed i met a girl
she had just moved to my school her name was michelle and she seemed really nice and normal after about 3 months we became best friends . I joined this club in my town where i met loads of new friends and they were true friend there was a group who came over
from america to run it and it was where i became more confident and more myself .
School was good now but since me and michelle started hanging around with the ''cool group'' it came with a whole lot of new
pressures , started smoking and drinking ,i knew it wasent me but i liked the group i was in and i didnt want to change that.
I visited racheal lots of times and she visited me too. Dispite the long distance we are stil best friends nearly four years later.
In the club i went to i met this guy he told me he had liked me and he made it pretty obvious to he was such a lovley guy we got
on so well together i learned that i could trust him with everything we became boyfriend and girl friend after 4 months of
Getting to know one another, we both came to love each other he knew everything about me , things how ever took a turn for the
worst . Following year my best friend michelle found a new best friend and made no time for me any more . She changed and was
in the bitchy group ,i was still in her group but it was different between us . We werent best friends any more i loss the best friend i
used to talk too. And that hurt me so much , that club stopped going on because the group went back to america i missed it all so
much everything was different and i felt alone again all i had was my boyfriend and i was even afraid id lose him. Those bitchy
friends in school werent real friends i fell out with my one childhood best friend too because to her i had changed . I started one
night to self harm i didnt know why i did it but it made me feel better or like i had somewhere to let my insercurities out and my
fear of losing friends . I kept doing it after that my boyfriend noticed at first he was mad because he was scared and he didn't
want to see me hurt i tryed to explain i felt alone . He didnt see why i couldnt just leave that bitchy group of friends , it was a long
Dark year in school none of them girls were there when i needed them. The next year after summer i came back too school tierd of
everything just hoping my last year of school would get better i was afraid of getting depressed again.
After the first month it was the same old **** one day they all back stabbed me so bad i went home and wrote letters to my parents
and my boyfriend i was sick and tierd of everything and i know it might sound stupid but i felt i had no other way out i walked
down into the woods on haloween night and put the rope around the tree it felt so dark and real all the voices and thoughts hated
myself , i started crying that night and i just sat down by the tree i was being such an idiot and i was scaring myself right then and
there i knew i didnt have the balls to do it i told myself if things got worse i would do it again . Another girl in my town killed herslf
that same night i knew how she felt it killed her family too i felt guilty for wanting to do it,my boyfriend new i was down when he saw
Me next he kept asking me what was wrong after a few hours of him asking i tryed telling him he hugged me but i knew he
was worried i didnt want my parents too know . While i was away staying up with my sister they read my diary where i wrote
all my thoughts i was so mad but then i got help my boyfriend was proud of me
one night about 3 months ago we were on the phone he told me he wasent happt any more
he wanted to break up . I couldnt belive the only person in my life that i trusted
had enough of me and i was to much for him all that i had gone through was to much , i told him i understood amd
it was okay . It hurt me so much to here he was with another girl a week later. That same night i got off the phone to him a friend
called she was crying and told me that racheal ''the friend that moved away tried to kill her self and she was in a coma in hospital
i broke down because if i had told her what i had been going through i could have helped her
i went and told my dad everything that night and he hugged me . That childhood friend i mensioned new racheal
she came over the next morning to stay with me . I heard news that morning that she woke up and she had no brain damage
with in three weeks she was out of hospital . When i came back to school i ended up finding the perfect group of lovley friends i knew
they were true friends because when they heard about the break up they helped me
through i became best friends with my old childhood friend again i had missed her so mucj
the pressure in school was gone my old friends bitched about me but i didnt mind because i felt better about myself.
I went to visit racheal she is doing just fine i told her about everything and she opened up to me
its still hard at times because i miss being with my boy friend we still talk but it hurts .
Through everything ive been made stronger its a pitty he couldnt stick around for the new me but i know im better
off i know that was a hell of a long story things still get hard im still in concelling but i know no matter how hard things get
its not worth ending things because what dosent kill you makes you stronger and some days some how things will get easier xx
By:
lucylux1x
Age:
18-21
