Three Boys, One Sex Buddy

So I was seeing this one guy, which seduced me and eventually this seduction turned into a heart break (me breaking up with my first love). Everything seemed to be fine, but i fell into depression after the break up with my first love so i didn't know what i wanted from this guy anymore. Eventually we stopped seeing each other. Time passed, and i became really close to one of my ex'es. We went clubbing together, getting drunk together, driving around the town together.. we were like best friends. I trusted him 100% so did he. And one night, after the party both of us left to his house, to a place where both of us slept together for the first time. We enjoyed it. We knew that there are no 'other' feelings involved except close friendship. So we became friends with benefits. And this carried on for a while, IT WAS ADDICTING (because it was so unusual to me which made me to want it even more and more!). But then a certain conflict between us came up and we lost contact. We didn't talk for half a year and i started seeing that previous guy again. Everything was fine, he was a true gentlemen. A brilliant guy. He was like a dream guy: dedicated, liked me a lot and was ready to do anything to please me. I liked this kind of attention. His presents, his mature character but there was something that stopped me from dating him. We were seeing each other for about 2 years with some breaks. But we never were official. I guess i couldn't forget HOW i met him, and what I've lost because of him. Time was flying.. and my ex bf/best friend appeared again. Apologizing and promising that what caused this conflict will never be a problem again. I forgave him, and at the same night we slept together again, after half a year of break. It felt good, i stayed at his house and we did it again and again and again. We were never that close in EVERY WAY. But the problem was.. that at the same time I was seeing that other guy as well while sleeping with another (btw. ive never slept with that other guy). I knew it wasnt fair towards him, but eventually i understood.. maybe thats who i am? MAYBE thats what he made me, and he led me to cheat on my first love so thats what he's getting in return. Im not blaming any of them, in fact its my fault. I get seduced EASILY I cant avoid temptation. But hey, I like it. No attachment. I regret only one thing, cheating on my first love. But now tell me guys, am I a certain type of *****? What im doing.. how unfair is it towards these guys? Please let me know, what do you think of a person like me. Thanks :)
zizyo zizyo
18-21
Dec 6, 2012