It Something That Was Thrust Upon Me....

When I reached High School some of my friends had serious the problems and I had to be the rock- the one that kept it together. I had to be strong when my friend had asked me to go with her to a teacher and- to my shock- she told him she was self harming. It was even harder to not cry when she showed him the marks. Then my Dad lost his job meaning that our house was a ticking time bomb for arguments but I slapped a big smile on my face and continued the cycle of 'school stress' and 'home stress'. I think that the most difficult time was when it came out about my Mum's gambling debts. I was screamed at to go up the stairs and automatically called my friend. I cried and cried telling her what had happened. I didn't feel like I had any other choice- I was at breaking point. But, the point where I was at my 'strongest' was when my big sister phoned me up. She was at Nottingham Trent university at the time and when I answered the phone I could here her crying at the other end of the phone. I took a deep breath and told her that everything was going to be OK and I comforted her until she calmed down. I even remember her telling me that 'she was meant to be the big sister'.

It can be dangerous being- well pretending to be strong though. I remember one day I was in form and I was stressed because this girl was giving me grief and I was stressed about home. I stood up to get out of my chair and went really dizzy when one of the girls in my form saw me stumbling and ordered me to sit back down. I sat down and burst into tears and, when the form had left, told my form tutor all about home. I got told that I was 13 and not 30 and that I shouldn't carry so much on my shoulders. He told my head of year who told me the same sort of thing which was embarrassing. I apologized to him later for breaking down.

I do still bottle things up sometimes much to my form tutor's exasperation but I've learnt to show my problems more- after all, it's not healthy...

TrueWolf TrueWolf
18-21, F
Aug 11, 2010