Shut Down, Switch Off, Unplug

Child abuse, its ok in my culture...

Well not really we're all just used to it. When things are going tough I shut down out of habit. When you are arguing with a parent you can not stand up for yourself because that is considered rude, disobedient and back talk (even if you are right) if you are a disobediant child be sure to expect 'the bash'. I know alot of people have been through it but the tough love notion is still very strong in our culture that we dont even need to hide it. We can openly humiliate people infront of a crowd. If you are whipped in school, you go home to another whipping as it seems all the adults side with one another and if your teacher has abused you then you most probably deserved it. Reading through this now it actually sounds harsher than it really is... but it also rings true with every word.

Although this may sound like an abuse story it is what fuels and explains my shutting down. I keep my mouth shut and bow my head when things get tough and do not tell anybody for fear of humiliation. When I have alot of things going on at the same time I wihdraw and stay in my own bubble trying to figure out an easy route to take....over the years i have learnt to shut down and disconnect myself from situations so as not to feel anything.

I am never fully recharged when I slowly make my way back into the world, I simply sweep it under the rug and wait to submerge again. Its the only way i know how to cope.

I am  trying, however, to take things one at a time so i dont overload and change gears to neutral.

lusciouskiwi lusciouskiwi
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Don't do as I have done - which is nothing. I have lived my close to fifty years shutting down and escaping. I fear confrontation and avoid it as much as possible. I'll only step up when I know that I am 100% right AND can prove it. What did that get me? Spending a lot of time alone. Accepting things that I know are wrong.<br />
Learn to step up and face your confrontations. It's very hard - but it must be done. PLEASE try!

You know? Since writing this over a year ago nothing, still, has changed, I am still the same old me...Old habits die hard eh?
I fear confrontation like no other!! Everyone knows at me as the go with the flow girl with no dramas...thats because I dont like to cause I just accept and agree even if that means more work for me and that it is wrong. I am the same, I will only stand up if I am 100% right with evidence at hand...otherwise I just accept it all in stride. Thank you for your words but I really cant break the habit...guess your not totally alone :)

Well I hope things have gotten better now

And I am the same I just keep to myself and try to avoid all confrontations and such
Or like if someone asks me about something I will either say "I don't know" just because I am not 100% sure and I don't want to misinform someone or mislead them
Or I say something like this "well I am not sure but it might be ... "

Well I am even so weird and bad at dealing with people and confrontations that it has a name Asperger Syndrome (autism)

Thanks i'll be speading my wings slowly... but im sure when i do they will be so far stretched out that I will knock over those that were suffocating me lol it is cliche and easier said than done... but the hard way i will try and go

watever doesnt kill u makes u stronger,,,, honestly i feel ya and i hate being cleche... but if ure out of that situation now, then spread ure wings and dont let anyone tell u other wise,,,, ure absouluety right, one step at a time,, and remember bout humiliation, no other person including myself is worthy to humiliate u..... errr if that makes some sense.. ya know

i like to shut down when i feel overwhelmed