I Want To Let Go, So Please Hold On

How often do you say you and your parents got a long well? Or do now? You might be that one in a million where a parent-child relationship developed steadily, and in a healthy way. My parents and I, on the other hand, can meet you all the way around that circle after fights, disagreements, hugs, dishonesty, mistrust and strength. My parents fight often, and when I say this I mean they scream, and stomp around keeping me awake until late at night, because I'm scared to rest my head in fear something might happen. Because of this, I tend to tune them out of my life, leaving out very important details of the things I might be going to do. Don't get my wrong, they know where I am and who I'm with, however, I feel like they don't understand completely. I might be going the wrong way this, I'm not sure, but the more the fighting happens, the more I feel like they are unhappy, and this hurts me. I want to be together as a family, I know what it's like to lose something so important it breaks you down, and I'm not prepared to do this with my parents....they just keep tearing away at me without realizing though. But I think the most important part of the situation is this: I never, ever tell them the honest ways I feel about anything anymore. I resist confiding in them, I don't let on the way I'm thinking or the tossing and turning in my stomach about anything. Whether or not my thought and feelings are fantastic, or the usual down, I never say. They think I'm okay, but I know I'm not. How do I unfreeze this lack of communication and pain? I just want my family to survive.
CarlyOnline CarlyOnline
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 21, 2010

Perhaps they don't understand because they have nothing to understand. Maybe you have become incredibly well at disguising your true feelings in order not to rock the boat further. If you were to tell them how you feel I wonder how they would feel. If you were my daughter it would break my heart to think that you were suffering as a result of something I was doing. Maybe they would feel the same way and hopefully that may mean your situation improves.

Well now that it has been nearly two years since I wrote this post I simply wish to say..Thank you. It's true! They had absolutely nothing from me to understand the way I was feeling and the stresses I was trying to cope with. I spent all day at school trying to balance a hectic, and not-so-good high school life and was miserable already from that. Now that I'm older I have reached some incredibly low points in my life and realize it. I am now in therapy and taking medicine to achieve happiness and a sound emotional state. I wish I would have read this then!