Cancer Message Via A Post-it!

I'm nearly 30, happily married with two beautiful children. My husband is happy in his career, I work part time by choice and I am studying for a degree. I'm lucky in many ways, grateful for it,  in love and a proud Mum.

I haven't spoke to my Mother for nearly 5 years now (incredible similarities to BPD) and as a result (mainly so) the only contact I have had with my Grandparents (her side) is the odd birthday/christmas card. That has been the case for 4 1/2 years following my Nan betraying my trust then going loopy at me over the phone showing a side to her personality that I never thought possible. It started off low key and she seemed to be unable to stop herself from escalating the situation into pure evil basically. I was dumbstruck. My Grandad then said that if I didn't speak to my Mother then neither of them would have anything to do with me. Not speaking to my Mother has been such a peaceful experience which I do not regret in the slightest. I wish I had a Mother who cared, who loved me and her Grandchildren but we can't have everything. I understood that my Grandparents couldn't understand what had happened, why a daughter wouldn't want to talk to her Mother and I didn't want to explain in too much depth as I felt it would be hurtful and disrespectful to them. We never lived near them as I was growing up, my Mum left home at 19, got married and had me, only me. Following the awful phonecall my Nan sent an apology card saying "I am sorry but you hurt me too." This actually annoyed me as it didn't feel like the sincerest of apologies. We also received masses of prank phone calls at obscure times of the night. We changed our number firstly because of my Mother's abusive calls then because of the prank calls that were more than likely my Grandparents or my Mother if they had given her our new number. I have even had slanderous messages on FB from my Grandad. It was very peculiar receiving a friend request from him. I thought I'd done the right thing accepting him, thinking he was trying to build bridges...but no. I didn't respond but blocked him. So for years we have played this *** for tat game of sending cards with quick messages. Hers have usually had a narky tone like "Blood is thicker than water" (I think that was aimed at my Husband who has been a fabulous Husband a father) etc. I have sent cards for their benefit (nothing malicious or nasty at all, just the basics ie To... Love from....) until the past year where if I have remembered I have and if not I haven't, as it all seemed pretty juvenile...although I felt riddled with guilt if I did forget.

So today for the first time ever I received a Wedding Anniversary card from my Nan and Grandad. As I opened it I was thinking how utterly strange it was that they had sent one. I opened it and inside it said 'To.... and ...., love Nan and Grandad x' Ok so far, until I read the post it note that had a message scrawled on it saying 'Grandad has prostate cancer. He is having radiotherapy 5 x a week for the next 6 weeks, Nan'.

I sobbed, in shock I think.

I do care, but more about the effects it will have on them...not me. I feel pretty distant in that respect.

I have looked into prostate cancer and it all sounds fairly hopeful based on what I know...which is nothing really; apparently this course of radiotherapy is standard when it is caught early so I am assuming that's the case.

Many other things have popped into my head or been suggested. Could she be lying? I think not. Why send an Anniversay card and why on earth scrawl that my Grandad had cancer on a post it note? Or should I just be grateful she told me? Was it all she could muster? With me maybe but she would tell others the ins and outs, I can't imagine her being too mortified to talk, she likes to tell people everything. Then we're back to the *** for tat cards thing. Especially when my response was to send a bloody card! 

I wanted them to know I care. That I hope the treatment goes well and that I'm thinking of them.

What a day!!!
Snoopy81 Snoopy81
26-30, F
Jul 30, 2010