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That's How I Am

I go through it everyday at work. I trust my coworkers and that means I can do everything for them with my heart and soul. They donot feel the same way about me and so when they do something I donot like, I hurts me and my heart aches, literally. I feel this pain in my chest and a stomach burn too. Its a terrible feeling. I start keeping them away. They lose the trust. I shut them out.
I have started to realize that maybe I should change the way I deal with new friends/ people on the first meet. I shouldnt give myself away. I shouldnt be the nicest person around. Myabe I should hold myself back and observe them for a while and then decide what to do based upon my observations, whether to let them close or not.
newmsuv newmsuv 26-30, F 10 Responses Apr 29, 2011

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random: I'll make sure I dont turn into the extreme of it. <br />
Thanks, dear. :)

Do that, just don't turn into the other extreme. There's no need to be sadistic or mean to anyone, assertiveness and loudly-voice demanding of respect is enough.<br />
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I want You to be strong and confident and to react so that people will respect You, but don't mistake it with arrogance and spitefulness. Sometimes it happens with people that have been opressed in their life, that once they get a grip and get some personal power they start to take revenge for their past oppression and exaggerate. Don't do that, just do enough to be respected. That might not happen, but I'm just warning You, that's not the way. Assertive demanding of respect, not aggressive counter-attack... and confidence, not arrogance.

random, your advice about dealing with bullies makes sense to me. I will use it in my life with people. I think many things that are happpening in life with me would have been different if I would have spoken my mind then. I should have not cared WHO felt WHAT. But it's still not too late and my experiences are going to make me a stronger person I will always be proud of, ONLY IF I REALLY TRY TO CHANGE AND NOT CARE ABOUT OTHERS FROM NOW ON.

When You meet a bully, stop caring whether He takes satisfaction from You reacting, just do what You feel. If You start thinking about how He'll react, it just means that You care about Him too much. And it won't work anyway, unless You're a professional liar or He's a complete retard, You won't be able to hide Your emotions from Him. Let Him enjoy this if that's His game. Show Your anger. Don't exaggerate, but show that You feel disrespected and that You won't take it. If He keeps on going, go to the next level. Like in case of that guy at work, go that person's boss or HR department or whatever.<br />
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You might ask Him in general what is His problem and what does He gain from it by behaving like that. If that makes Him feel better about Himself.

:random: Bullying 'might' be what eastliteman was trying to talk about, though not sure. His statement did contradict itself. <br />
Good advice. I have been bullied a lot and from my experiences I have started talking back. I dont keep quiet. I talk loudly for everyone to hear and try to TALK and not appear scared. I do sound pissed.<br />
One more trick was trying to ask personal famiily questions to the bully, It has wokred wonders with one bully. But it hasnt worked with my supervisor though.

Actually mostly the bullies can sense You're pissed/sad/afraid anyway even if You try to hide it and when You don't confront them and instead pretend to be unresponsive, they'll assume You're a submissive pushover and will continue doing the same.<br />
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My advice is stand up to that person. Don't punch Him, don't insult, don't use vulgar words, don't yell or threaten. But damanding respect with an assertive slightly raised voice can do the trick. And going more intensive as that person continues to behave that way. Obviously with someone in position of power over You, it's different, but then You can go to someone higher up.

@ random: :) Makes sense. :)<br />
Maybe he is talking about people who try to hurt someone just for the fun of it, but stop doing so when they see that the victim isnt really affected by their abuse and is stronger mentally. That was what I took from his comment. It would help in the issues of bullying.

Huuuh?<br />
<br />
How can You not care about other people's actions, be honest and sincere<br />
yet<br />
hide that You get upset, pretend You are not, lie?<br />
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This sentence is a contradiction in itself:<br />
"Be honest and sincere and do not people realise that they can hurt you."<br />
At the beginning of the sentence it says about being honest and sincere, at the end about lying and hiding the truth. That's some level of hypocrisy.<br />
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You can't stop emotions. Doing so will only create frustration and denial.<br />
It may be necessary in case of people who can fire You from work or police,<br />
but for social relationships this is the worst advice.<br />
How is pretending emotions and forcing oneself to not feel them (which is impossible) being true to Yourself?

eastliteman: Thanks. I am going to try it. I have to work on not letting people know they are hurting/upseting /affecting me.

But is that being true to who you are? I am exactly the same way. I feel like I should let people know me right from the start. I hate games. The problem is that I can't take it when people don't like me. <br />
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But if you want to be true to yourself maybe you could learn to decide who you want as friends instead of letting them decide.<br />
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Thank you for sharing!