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Putting Up Walls

It is hard for me not to shut people out when I have been hurt by them.
Those that I have in my life, whether in real life or online, they are all important to me.
So if/when someone says or does something to hurt me,
being that I have had trust issues from years ago...I can forgive, but it is so difficult for me to forget.
It is in my mind, and sometimes it will show in my mood, the way I may come across.
Those walls easily come up around me, surrounding me, and protecting me.
I tend to believe that if I can keep people out who have hurt me, then it can't happen again.
WingsOnHeart WingsOnHeart 41-45, F 4 Responses Mar 31, 2012

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I hate to say this but I totally agree with you. I am certainly not the pushy type person who demands an explanation and gets all in someone's face for hurting me. I would do that with my soon-to-be-ex. But others, I just walk away. I don't know if a part of me is so let down that I don't want to waste my energy on giving a response or trying to fight it...or if I am just so hurt that I don't want to hurt again. When guys hurt me, it's the same thing. I just shut down. I do think it is a little unhealthy because doing this tends to keep it bottled up in me and makes me hurt more in some ways. I tend to feel better if I can get it all out and talk about it. But I also choose the defense mechanism of putting up walls because it prevents further hurt. If any of that makes sense!

I don't get in anyone's face for hurting me either. I do let them know I have been hurt, but I won't go on about it. It might be like you said, maybe a part of me is so let down, I just don't want to waste any negative energy fighting it. Or being that I have been hurt plenty of times before, I don't want to continue going through it, especially with the same person. Everything you wrote makes sense! Thanks for commenting =)

I also relate to this but it definitely isn't the right way to do it things because you deep down it isn't the person you are ? You no that your kind and loving and what to give your all but these walls prevent you from doin that an then you come across to be the total opposite to who you are I no from experience I am exactly the same as you guys and it's just the way i am now but truth be known its not at all my true self I hurt I feel and I hate the fact that I have to come across as though nothin can hurt me when regardless to how many times I out this wall up I still get hurt just people dnt see it but I still feel it , I get over it until the next time it happens I think I should just let my guard down and be who I am ad if I get hurt it won't make a bit of difference cause I get hurt either way but at least I get to be me for a change fed up with thinking I'm untouchable when it's do not true I don't think any one is x

I may want to my all, at times, and yes, the walls prevent from doing just that...but they are a protective barrier and the way I am right now. Maybe in time, with the right person...I can change that. But I am the only one who can protect myself and can't count on anyone else to do that. Of course, there will still be a few that may get through and I end up letting my guard down, then I get hurt all over again. I hope you are able to stop being hurt too, Delightfu11deb.

This story really struck a chord with me. I am in this position now with a work colleague who used to be a friend. She has hurt me so many times and she is not the person I thought she was. Confronting her won't do any good as I don't want to cause problems in the work environment and so I have just put up walls whenever I have to be in contact with her. She and her sons were like family at one point, she was like the close auntie I never had. But not anymore.<br />
<br />
I understand how you feel. Perhaps it isn't the right way to be but it's an understandable way to react when hurt. x

I am sorry that you are in this position right now. It is never fun to have to go through this, no matter what type of relationship it is. I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find peace with this.

No, it may not be the right way to be, but if I wouldn't be, I feel that I might just be opening myself up to being hurt way too easily. x

I agree with you. Can relate to everything you have said here. x

i think there are no real friendships in the work place, to begin with. that's like a war zone, especially among women, with all the cattiness and their naturally cunning instincts. maybe that's where the trouble lies...people thinking they're in a caring, true kind of relationship and getting so hurt by it eventually by the other person's behavior, when all it really ever was, was a lunch/gossip/restroom type of relationship.

the best thing u can do is to tell them about it.......<br />
let them knw that the particular thing they said has hurt you.....<br />
point is 'to be straight forward and open' <br />
if u open up before them they'll be more closer to u after that....<br />
dont do the same with pple u dont like....!! dont give a 'F' abt what they say....

Hi karthik4442, thank you for your comment.
And thank you for this suggestion. I don't know. Maybe sometimes I might be able to be open about it, depending on the situation and the person. It just gets harder each time after being hurt...to where I get to the point of why even bother...