Closing Doors...

Things happen for a reason right? Actions have consequences, words can hurt, things go on in life that really shouldn't have to happen. I like to believe that people are inherently good, and they don't intentionally hurt people. However, the world doesn't seem to work that way....people do things that they know will cause damage to others, they intentionally inflict pain.

The question is, what do you do when someone has done something to hurt you? Whether it was intentional or not, how do you deal with the fall out? Granted it can depend upon the situation, and a small misunderstanding is easy to resolve.

Its those more painful and horrifyingly hurtful things that I am thinking of. The things that tear at your heart, crush your soul and leave you wondering what the hell happened. Over the years, and through various situations, the only way I seem to be able to preserve my sanity and the bits of my soul still intact, is to shut people out. Completely.

I find it very difficult to trust, and believe that it should be earned and not an expectation. I have trusted the wrong people in the past and got hurt in unimaginable ways. I have trusted the right people and found friends for life. It is all part of the learning curve that is growing up.

So, with trust being so important and difficult to gain, why would someone then abuse that trust? Over and over again, causing pain and anger? If someone has done this to me, do they deserve to keep my respect, my they deserve to be given a chance? Through my experience, I don' think so. Once trust is broken it is very difficult to get back and it is never the same.

So the only way I know how to deal with this is to shut people out. Mostly the ones that have caused the pain, but sometimes the ones that are trying to help. I don't mean to do this, but I put up a wall to protect myself and once its up the idea of taking it down is daunting. I know these people who are trying to help are genuine, but in that moment all I can sense is the hurt. It kind of consumes me, and so I block it all off.

There is one person in my life who has repeatedly hurt me, physically, mentally, emotionally......and I beg my mind to block him out all the time. My question now is, what do you do when you want to block someone out but your mind won't let you do it?

I wish I had the answer to that one. If I did, I might just be able to stop blocking out the people who are trying to be supportive. Open some doors, knock down some walls and let the light in to chase away the darkness that sits in my heart.
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2 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Most walls are good. Do whatever you thing is best for you.

That's right Twilight, new people make you forget about old people...
Trust in open the right new doors...