Terible Things

I think i have broken a lot of sins. The biggest ones started when i was hurting inside i could not cope anymore so i started to play up. I Learned and did things i am not proud of like shoplift and lie.

I came to accept those things as normal. I hurt people with my lies. i am not proud of how lowered myself. I look back at the things iv done and feel deeply saddened and i dont know if there is any coming back from this. Iv done some bad sins and i am about to do some even worse sins and i dont know if i can ever be forgiven for those sins.

The worse sin to come is changing the body that god gave me with hormones and surgery. some say that is a sin.
I am not a religious person but i believe in god and sins and the after life.

4 or maybe 5 years ago i was laying in a hospital bed they could tell me if i was going to live or die and i found peace and i prayed to god. He gave me a second chance at life and iv messed it up.

I think i am guilty of just thinking about myself a lot "i do think about others" but my main goal in life is just to leave my home start a life as the oposite gender and in doing so well losing the life i now have leaving my family losing the life i once loved and knew because i feel that i was born the wrong gender.

I have no problem with doing that for that is what i want out of life but i feel i will be punished for it and i cant help fear going to hell for all of the things that i have done.

I wish there was hope and i wish i could take back the things i did like lie and steal. I got so good at it over the years that i even believe my own lies and i dont slip up when i lie.

the last time i sinned was to try and put right another sin i did. Some one handed me a item they wanted fixed i was short of cash so i sold it and i tried to stretch it out and not confess to what i did and the person kept asking if i had fixed their item.

I know this person and i know they would have no problem hitting your if you did what i did to them so i stole the same item from a store to give back to this person.

i dont knw if there is any coming back from this. iv been accused of stealing many times. no ones proved anything but people who know me are starting to believe these accusations and seeing me for who i really am.

i dont blame anyone but myself.
sarahbethuk sarahbethuk
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 2, 2011

you did sin ,, because you were un aware of the risk ..... now you understand this and feel sorry .. i believe . you can turn down this guilt .. what is done is already done ......... don't feel ashamed