I Can't Breathe

I was just abandoned (yet again) by my boyfriend of 10 years.  The first time he left was when my first son was 6 months and now again with my second son around the same age.  I have stuck with this man through drug abuse, prison, emotional and mental abuse for 10 years and he repays me by leaving us.  I knew in my hear that he was lying to me and sure enough he was, doing drugs and actually got physically abusive for the first time.  But for my son, I continued to try to make it work.  I gave him everything and he treats me like I'm the one doing wrong.  He makes me feel so worthless that I actually told him, "you make me feel so bad that I want to kill myself"  and he responded "then do it, I'm done with your ***".  I don't know what I did to deserve such cruelty and I don't think I'm strong enough to hold it together for my boys.  I feel like I can't breathe...

sweetpearubio sweetpearubio
26-30, F
5 Responses Mar 8, 2010

My mom always told me, "If they do it once, it might take 3 days, 3 months or 3 years, but theyll def do it again." She was right. How do you want your boys to treat a woman? They need the example that it is not okay to treat or be treated that way. If you were to kill yourself your sons would be left with their father. If you as a person cant handle that, how would your boys deal? What would they become? Would they be happy? You are their guardian angel and belong on earth with them protecting them, teaching them and showing them what real love is.

It's better for you to to get out now before it gets worse, and if he doesn't want to help support the kids then he shouldn't be allowed to spend time with the kids either. Make a clean break and move away if he becomes bothersome.

hey u know wat i was somewat in teh same situation and I walked out....i have lived without the father of my 1st son for 7 years.....for 7 years i did not as so much as LOOK at another man...and tehn i fell for this other guy and we got married ...but he turned out to be a scum bag....and i stuck around wiuth him for 3 yrs...but no good...now i have left him and i love my kids so much...i dont think i need a man...or ever will...true its been only 3 months since i made a clean break but i have not felt helpless even once since then....that says somethn abt the state of teh relationship doesnt it? I dont mean to go on and on abt myself...ths is for you.....u can be strong if u want to,....we are all with you...especially me...if i can do it so can you....be string for your kids...thts wat i tell myself.....and i am happy.....i work, take my kids out...spend on them....have a good life...give them all the love stored inside of me...not to some no good bastard who will throw it back in ur face......buck up!!!! God loves you!

this is the time your are to reach out to God. Tell him you cant breath. tell him you cant do it alone. he will be there and somehow he always comforts...its very strange but i just ask and put faith that i had for the FLESH man in my life into the SPIRIT of GOD just think of Jesus and how loving he was and is. you will be wrapped in a peace feeling.

THERE IS YOUR SIGN THINK OF YOUR KIDS. tHIS RELATIONSHIP IS BAD ...THIS IS NOT LOVE IT IS FEAR OF BEING ALONE WITH YOUR KIDS AND GOD YOU ARE NOT ALONE. FIRST STOP HAVING CHILDREN WITH HIM...MOVE ON YOU ARE A MOM.