Hidden Tears

As long as i could remember i would always spend my days crying at school or alone in my room. My childhood wasn't as great, at a young age i got seperated from my mother for almost a year or more,but I spend time with my father and lousy babysitters who would make me cry abit more. At school i would sit and cry while all the children would play, I also missed big gaps of school but still managed to pass the grade up to now (currently in college).

Now i only cry to myself, hidden away from the world, or simply not cry at all, not wanting to get pitty from people. I know its bad not to let out the feeling tightening up in my chest, at it feels terrible crying alone at night with out a shoulder to lay on.

Ever since i lost to most important people and a very very very good friend, i barely cry anymore... Losing my best friend from elementary was hard, i do remember having vivid dreams of her on a hospital bed, looking fragile...lifeless, whispering words to someone near by and letting out a long sigh while the machine beeps in a long steady ring. I always ignored this dream, til middle school in 7th grade, there was this guy in my class who would always tease me until I pissed him off where he yelled at me saying that Kassandra had died. I didn't want to believe it, so i asked other friends that were close to her, when it was confirmed that she was dead.. i cried. Fast fowarding to High school, i was dating this guy for a while ( i met him in middle school :)) ) He was a grade higher than what i was, things went well....til that one day in a blink of an eye he was gone. I cried endless for days, probably months to exaggerate but i did end up in pretty bad depression.

Fast fowarding til a year ago.. I lost my best friend, whos been there with me through good times and bad times, a very loyal friend that i had since i was tiny. Who waited for every afternoon after school., the day my dog died was a blow, she died a week later after my birthday it was devistating. After loosing all of them i tried my best not to cry in public and i still do and its hard....its still is but i only cry when im alone in the dark..
SennaPyon SennaPyon
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

Oh wow... You've lived a tough life, Mayra-san. I wish you didn't ever feel like crying. I feel like I understand you better now. While I want to tell you how sorry I am for the things that make you sad..you don't need me to tell you that. But I feel it, though. It is good to cry, whether alone in the dark or in front of people in public. It doesn't really matter what they might think or say about it. You need that outlet that only tears can provide. I really hope you get happy, the happiest you've ever been! :-) You do deserve that.

I know i really shouldnt mind what people think .. but personally i feel weak if i cry

Aww...you shouldn't feel that way. A weak person does not come out of the life experiences you've dealt with. Remember that!

Ouh i know that but its just me. i dont cry except when im alone and trust me it feels weird crying alone XD

That's interesting! I only cry when I'm alone, haha. Can't do it in front of people... So we're the opposite from each other. =/ :D

neither can i...e.e i just stopped after a while. ò.ó

Well, you may cry in front of me. :-)

i probably wont unless it gets to me XDD

If it does get to you, I shall be your shoulder to cry on XD. No shame

Q.Q ur so kind

XD What are friends for, Mayra-san? Aren't you glad you met me? XD

hai hai hai very glad that i met u ^^

Good! That makes meh happy. XD

soo desu ka? XDD well thats good!

Does that mean 'oh, really?' XD

it chopped my "s" off but u got the hang right but its more like "is that right?" XD

XDDD I'm close to mastering this! (No, no I'm not...)

XDD trust me u need to learn hiragana and katakana then theres kanji and not to mentions vocabulary, sentence structure hmm and pronounciation as well as writing and reading and speaking

*throws up a little* XD You've done all that?

im slow at it but im getting there very slowly....very slowly

Hold up now...are you qualified to teach me, Mayra-san? XDD

i can teach u up to what i know im sure it would work for me as a review

*taps head* smart thinking, Mayra-san. I wish you could teach me how to write in Japanese.

maybe if one day we can video chat :DD i'll teach u

Wow!!! That would be so cool!

21 More Responses