Just The Meandering Of A Socially Inept Person. Read At Your Own Discretion.

While I don't spend my entire day in my bedroom, I do spend it exclusively in my house, seated in front of my computer, which unfortunately I am obliged to share with the rest of my family.

I'm glad I found this group because I feel so alone and estranged from society. I have severe depression and anxiety. I'm socially inept and cannot for the life of me maintain small talk. All of this is the main reason why I retreat from the outside world and live in virtual seclusion.

It's getting tiring though. Actually, it's been tiring for quite some time but I don't know of any other way I can live. I don't know how to socialize properly or make friends. People absolutely terrify me. Also, I feel so completely boring and uninteresting, and lately it's been worse than ever. I feel as though I'm submerged in a filmy pool of vapidity.

I don't cohere with this structured, boxed-in society. I'm too introverted, too aloof. I'm absolutely terrible with verbalizing my thoughts as well. I constantly stammer, pause, and stop mid-sentence, and more often than not what I say is overlooked or interrupted. Apparently I'm invisible?

Anyway, I was hoping to find others who can relate and who also live an internal existence.

There must be others besides myself who are awkward, introverted, and not especially well regarded in society.

Blah blah blah blah. So this was me essentially pouring my heart out. I otherwise try not to sound so pathetic, but ehh, I guess deep down I'm just a pathetic person.

Hope everyone else is having a great day in their rooms! =]

mollybolt mollybolt
26-30, F
22 Responses Jul 7, 2010

hi molly.. same!! you said it perfect! if you ever wana chat in s k y p e add me (xabbyxthirty one) or k i k (abbyxfive) .. later ! oh change the wording to numbers in the screennames i gave u i had to bc it says spam was detected =__=

Same here sister, find a craft and hone your skills. That brain of yours is human and those hands are deft. To be an artisan for yourself in solitude is noble and you should willingly neglect the common societal values of hedonism and socialising if they do not suit your individual needs. Use structure to discipline yourself, exercise to train your body, create to train your mind. Stay well fed, good food to maintain health, good books to maintain your soul. Do not rely on others for help, self reliance is the essence of strength but do not be ashamed to need it either, to support and be supported is to be human. Know this; the world is indifferent to your presence as it is to all life sentient or no, so you must be your pillar of strength to stave off existential terror, you must be the reason that quells your nihilistic despair. Always remember that other human beings are in a constant state of turmoil themselves and so cannot offer you the objectivity, empathy or fairness every human being deserves from their brothers and sisters so you must give these to yourself.
Objectivity, you are but one, subjective, as such the center of your universe and the only window into the world which you have and the clearest window into your mind. Do not be afraid of the blemishes you see as to you they are manifest a million fold in your minds eye as they are perceived in the eyes of others. Empathy, you deserve everything that any other human deserves; peace, respect and happiness, let no-one convince you otherwise especially she who holds so much sway upon you; yourself. Fairness, you are a human and as such imperfect, to expect anything more is to expect too much, rather what is fair is that you expect nothing more than to be yourself and to put effort into improving into which ways you see fit and to be fair to yourself upon the inevitable failures.

Peace and love to the tribeless in the 21st century mess X

I can empathise with pretty much every word of this. Trying to force myself to get out and socialise a bit more, though... it's an effort, but I think it's a worthwhile one. I'm terrible at meeting people but I've been trying out meetup.com, and it's pretty good.

"I feel as though I'm submerged in a filmy pool of vapidity." I love this line. Very.... evocative. Sorry, don't mean to sound like an English teacher, it just jumped out at me :P

I have clinical depression, and when it hits me I just lay in bed all day, for several days. The worst days I don't even leave the room. In fact my social anxiety is such that I don't answer the phone, don't text, don't even like stuff on Facebook so people can't see I am online. I'm married now, with a baby and a very good job; but even now I won't go to work for up to 3 days in a row (I'm a high level executive, so I can manage to make up for the lost time) and I use those days just to sit in my room doing nothing, and feeling anxious, depressed and worthless. I remember when I was a teenager, I would have phases of deep social anxiety and wouldn't even see people, and others where I was more of an extrovert, but not so much.

To press the "like" button would send the wrong message--I so understand the urge, the malady, and the commitments piling up in its path.

I agree. With other college students having parties, making friends, going out, I feel boxed in my own world. I don't socialize, not many friends, and am into things that're not the norm for kids "my age". I'm unemployed, I lie, and don't do anything with my life.

The way all you people feel is exactly the way i feel, my life is completely pointless and boring. I've always had very few friends, and it was always them who called me or asked me to go out with them, i don't know why but i never felt much of a need for sharing anything with them. I also have a very hard time relating to people, i only deal with them if its necessary, otherwise i prefer to avoid any kind of interaction. In addition to this i turned my back on religion a long time ago, so i feel quite out of step with everybody around me (all my family and friends are very religious). What had kept me going where my hobbies, but i gradually lost interest in them up to the point where now i don't now what to do in my spare time, i'm getting to the point where not even the internet fills the gap. If i lived alone i probably would have already departed from this world, but as it is i couldn't do that to my family so i feel trapped in this world, with no choice but to go on with my meaningless life. I used to have some hope that this wouldn't go on forever but i'm not so sure there is a way out anymore. My view towards life is absolutely apathetic.<br />
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Sorry about all this whinning but i had to get it out of my chest, i hope you guys are doing better, although it seems we are pretty much on the same boat. What a ride!

As of lately, like the past month I literally sit in my room ALL day when I'm not at school. I'm not socially awkward but I feel almost trapped inside my room. I live in a normal sized town, not to big and not to small. But when I feel so ambitious to go outside and do something, that exact question pops in my head. "What literally is there to do?". And Whenever I do go to do anything at all I feel a nervousness and think of anything and everything that could go wrong. I simply don't like interacting with people. When it comes to texting people and having a conversation with them I find it completely meaningless, like how does texting you and asking how your day was and then sprouting off a small conversation tree from there going to benefit me ever? That leads over with just hanging out with people. Why am I sitting here *Excuse my language* Bullshitting with you while I could be sitting in my room. I feel as if, no matter what I'm doing, I want to do something else but this. These types of thoughts are digging and eating at me constantly.

wow.....thats exactly how i feel....exactly! ....the thing i hate the most about this...is that i feel weak...and i hate that...i hate feeling that ppl can just walk over me....iv realize that all this goes away when i spend some time with ppl ....its like getting used to be around ppl , like practicing...but i cant keep up with that....cuz i always have to comeback home ...and it all starts again...

You are one step ahead of me because I don't even really live in this virtual world. That would require to have friends and I don't have one friend even online. You know I can't really do small talk with people either. I mean a person thinks im a weirdo because I don't talk about who won the stupid hockey game, what is trending on twitter, how many girls on facebook I tried to ****. We are stupid... people have become ******* idiots. Meanwhile tyranny plays out and we are on the verge of an economic collapse but how about that FOOTBALL! It just blows my mind. Football over liberty? Maybe it's better I just stay in my room and watch the whole world go up in flames on a global level.

Reading all these comments made me realise how empty my life is. I want to be doing something with it but everything just holds me back. For months now I've had nothing to do. I feel like I've died inside because of the crushing boredom of everyday. I hardly ever see my friends and if I do it's just to make up the numbers at football. I feel like I don't really know them. I'm becoming a depressed sociopath. FML

Reading all these comments made me realise how empty my life is. I want to be doing something with it but everything just holds me back. For months now I've had nothing to do. I feel like I've died inside because of the crushing boredom of everyday. I hardly ever see my friends and if I do it's just to make up the numbers at football. I feel like I don't really know them. I'm becoming a depressed sociopath. FML

i feel like you people, but what is the answer ... is it fear, boredom, hopelessness...i am coming to the point where the reason doesnt mean anything anymore, i am just going to try and live or die...lol, ive been at this lifestyle for a long time

This has been my life for the past 6 years, Well yeah ever since I got hooked up to the Internet.. I guess I was at a crossroads, so much changed in such a small amount off time things just kinda threw me off, way off. The hardest part is trying to understand where all the time has gone its gotten to the point where literally I'm sat doing less an less as each day passes by birthdays slip by like their nothing, thats probably one off my biggest hang-ups time going so bloody fast I wana change & be more productive in the real world but it's like trying to jump back on a really fast spinning roundabout and getting tossed straight back off. The doing nothing part is really starting to drive me nuts I feel so hopeless I wouldn't say I'm depressed but then my definition off happiness I think is somewhat unexplored I try and set goals but then I just feel tired, agitated, distracted then before I know it BOOM another week, month, and birthday has passed bye ARGGHH!!!.

So random this site brought me here... I first found this site by googling I want to live forever. <br />
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Anyway I understand what you mean keep having t move for work and am never around to really know people. Once I start to I move again, so when I am home I usually just pace around the house until it's time to go back to work. Every move it gets worse also, first South Dakota..... Now flipping Iowa.<br />
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From when I was a freshman in high school till the end of my junior year I was incredibly socially inept. I grew up not living in town so during the summer I would see no one.then school would start again and everyone would be totally different plus I was a complete geek also. The only reason anyone ever talked to me was to fix there computer, or they wanted someone's email password.<br />
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Oh well.... I grew out of the stuttering and the social awkwardness (I think anyway?) now I my only thing is maybe my humor is a little to dry and sarcastic for this world.

*raising hand* Me, too. And I've been at this for a while. I grew up doing nothing, and this was before computers. Just sat in front of the tv watching game shows and soap operas all day during summer vacation, not allowed to go any where, and then it just continued into adulthood--what else did I know? <br />
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Being a singer isn't so great, either. I only felt alive when on stage, but then walking off stage, I was just walking right back into my same hellhole of an empty life. I became a singer thinking it would teach me how to be social & have friends, just like the professionals I saw. No, one has to already have those skills. Worse, I couldn't support myself. And I was a weird sort to be singing. <br />
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Things are better, after working at it for so long, but it's just plain hard. Statistics show that, for kids, 1 in 7 social bids are rejected. That's a lot of rejection, just for the average kid. What about those of us who are behind the 8 ball socially to start with?

Invisible is the word

I just googled "I do nothing all day" and it brought me here. Finally, I'm not the only one who has no friends, can't make friends, is considered boring by EVERYBODY, etc...I hate my life basically. It's been this way as long as I can remember. I used to have friends, but they never lasted long. This is really annoying, what's the point of my life? I barely take care of myself anymore. Haven't cleaned my bathroom in weeks, my room is a mess, I just don't care about anything.

Thats me to. READ> its getting worst. Sometimes I dont even leave my room. I just sit home on my computer... Facebook, youtube, websites. Etc. I just feel like im wasteing my life.but i wontttt kill my self...i may want to. but dont have the strength to. Im also really shy with people i DONT KNOW. and dont like speaking infront of people.. I wish i would though!. and I cant take it, when people hate me. Or make fun of me. Or even start rumors. I want to become an actress. Just so i get noticed.( and i would love to) But im shy. I have lots of friends. I just dont call them to hang. i wish they would call me for once... but theyre all ALWAYS busy... having FUN. . And i feel like my lifes not worth living, you know, i have a LOW self asteem. And i cant sing.. But i would lovee to! I want to be like Selena gomez... Or Demi Lovato. I just wish I could be happy again. Leave the house. Be with friends.... and actually have fun. And not pretend... I am 13 years old and I want to get my self esteem up, and be less shy.. ://

Hey I will be both of your friends do you have a facebook or anything

Interesting. I personally have never really viewed ending my life as losing to society. I guess I don't really give a **** if society perceives me as weak in that respect. But I can't kill myself because of my mother, and the fact that I hold this vague hope that things will improve and lead to an eventual happy and fulfilling life. <br />
I'm sorry you feel invisible though. I know how much that sucks. <br />
I empathize and feel for those who have suffered, even fictional characters on t.v. shows. <br />
I can get so impassioned, so ambitious, but unfortunately it's too much for my fragile mind and body to take, thus I numb myself to the cruelty of the world and become a hollow, dreary person who can't handle the pain of caring about anything.<br />
Man, I sound depressing. But hey, look at what kind of forum this. <br />
Thanks for replying by the way.

Man I know just how you feel I beleive I am Also invisible. But for me it's got to the point were I don't feel anything for my self anymore. I try to understand how other people feel but to me it's pointless but I will not give up because if I end myself then society wins, because it shows that I am to weak and that I can't live without it, I WILL NOT BREAK AGAINST SOCIETY! <br />
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You just have to be stronger than it, and though you may be in your house your mind will be more free than anyone other.

yup thats me too. i sit infront of the computer or am out in the garage working on my car alone...