I've Been Doing Better Lately...

I've always enjoyed sleeping more than most people.  I was the kid who slept in late past noon on the weekends and was grumpy if I was woken up.  I never saw sleeping as a bad thing since everyone always told me I needed to get more sleep.  I was a notorious night-owl even at a young age.  But I had control over my sleeping.  When I needed to get homework done, I'd do it; if I wanted to watch tv instead, I'd do it.  I didn't let it interfere with my life.

This was until high school.  I became very depressed in high school.  I had a hard time adjusting to all the changes that were happening to me and I didn't like most of those changes.  I was very reserved and quiet the first two years and though I had many friends, was stranded by myself in my classes.   This made me very uncomfortable.  I found myself becoming more and more tired throughout the day and would often need a nap as soon as I got home from school.  I'd nap in between doing homework, watching tv and going to bed.  I realized that I was probably tired because I was depressed, but I never thought it was something I needed to change.  I was also acting on other destructive, impulsive behaviors, so my focus was on fixing those problems.

I had managed my depression from junior year up until my freshman year of college.  I realize it's extremely normal to be depressed in college, and I was a part of that statistic.  I felt really alone at school, I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was capable of, and I missed my family and friends a lot.  I started napping more and more often throughout the day because I didn't know what else to do with my free time and felt drained after classes.  Whenever things got stressful with school and work, I'd sleep.  It was my way of forgetting about my responsibilities at least for a few hours.  While this was much healthier than self-starvation, cutting, etc. I find that sleeping was slowly taking over my life.  I completely screwed up my sleep schedule, so I was up at the oddest hours of the day, like 4 am, I couldn't get through one day without two naps.  I was skipping classes, and functions and didn't become involved in anything because I didn't have the energy or the enthusiasm to stay up.  If I was angry or upset, or fighting with anyone, I'd usually sleep because I didn't want to deal with it.  All I did freshman year was sleep.

This is now my sophmore year of college.  I'm doing slightly better.  I've been trying to stay awake longer during the day and have gotten more involved with school.  I still sleep often, but I feel like I have a stronger will to say no.  I also feel like I've learned how to push myself through things I didn't want to deal with, and I've learned how to better manage my time and prioritize my life.  Sometimes I still use sleeping to deal with my depression, but I've come a long way from last year.

deleted deleted
Feb 22, 2010