I Sometimes Sleep With Snuggles

 I them substituted the little baby doll with a teddy bear called Snuggles.  This teddy bear is the bear from the Snuggles fabric softener commercials.  It's very special because it used to belong to my daughter when she was a baby.  Then Snuggles comforted my son when he was born.  Snuggles then comforted some children that I used to babysit, then he was passed down to my two grandchildren.  This bear is 27 years old by the way.  

In 2004 when the flashbacks started this bear started comforting me also.  Between 2004 and 2008, this bear practically slept with me every single day and night.  He loved me and comforted me as much as he could.  He has many of my tears absorbed into his fur. I sometimes thought of this bear as GOD, or my children.  I even sometimes imagined I was the bear and I would love it and hold it tight, to comfort myself. 

For the past year or so, I stopped having to sleep with Snuggles.  I kept him close though, just incase.  I never knew when I would have a flashback and would need him to comfort me.  I would keep him on the extra bed in our room along with my grandchildrens stuffed animals.  I would look over to Snuggles and smile because not only did I not need him, which meant that I was much better.  He also got to be with his other friends, the stuffed animals.  I have this thing about inanimate objects and them having feelings.  I know that they're not really real, but I sort of feel as if they have feelings.  Like pain or feeling unloved. 

Anyway, in the last few days, I was feeling extra low.  My Ptsd, started acting up and I have been sleeping with Snuggles again.  I told my counselor.  I already knew what she would say.  In her opinion, it's not a problem.  To her, any habits that we have, as long as they don't hurt anyone, then they're ok.  She sees nothing wrong with them.  She told me of this patient of hers that is a grown woman.  This woman still sucks her thumb when she's extra stressed out.  According to my counselor, NO PROBLEM, it's not hurting anyone.  I like my counselor, she's a very cool lady.