Little Love Lost

When I was younger I always felt peer pressure.  It was never about being popular, or having lots of friends.  I just wanted to feel normal.  Having sex for the first time was a big step to me for feeling normal.  When I got my first boyfriend I didn't really feel attracted to him, I never felt much for him.  He was much older and all I really wanted was to experience sex.

When we had sex I felt nothing emotionally; you put nothing into a relationship you get nothing back.  He then proceeded to show me that he felt nothing for me, leaving me alone in the rain after I lost my virginity and choosing to go to the pub.

After that I continued to sleep with people that I felt nothing for, just racking up experiences, never actually understanding that really I wasn't experiencing anything.

It wasn't until my current boyfriend that I understood what sex, or more specifically love meant.  Sleeping with people when you feel nothing for them is a numbing experience not a liberating one.

Keep sex about love, keep people close.
freespeech freespeech
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 5, 2007

My wife too had sex with quite a few men in her teens, as she wanted to become 'experienced'. She has often said to me .. "I wanted to get sex out of the way to see if there was anything else ..." I am very proud of her in all sorts of ways, but particularly in being so sexually liberated in her attitude. She also says "THANK GOD THE PILL WAS AROUND!"

Does your current boyfriend knoww about you "experienced" past? I am in a similar situation with my girlfriend. I'm unsure how I feel about it, I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, its almost as though I feel like she won't ever be able to value our sex life the way I do.

I agree full heartedly! Sex can be awful when the wrong person is touching you.