Again, Not Really

ok... we actually didn't sleep together but we almost did and i just need to write this down because sometimes it's really easier to write how i feel about something.

This person is the same person in the experience "I loved someone that didn't love me" aka Fat Shady!  ok... so i'm not going to go into the story but he is someone who is a "friend" and it's been a long drawn out situation with no real end in sight.  he owed me for a bet we had on the world series-- he was supposed to buy me a drink so finally we decided to get together. 

first of all we went to this bar that i've only been to once because i didn't really feel like running into people that i know-- you know, it would take the attention away from the task at hand.  of course we get along great because that's just how we roll!!!  we drank quite a bit and around midnight drove back to his abode where my vehicle was parked.  i, being kind of a **** suggested that we "go inside and smoke" and he, being a pothead agreed that this would be a spectacular idea.  we kind of flirt to an extent anyway, so i kept asking him if he wanted to see my boob (yeah, ok, not a great idea) and he was like, "yeah, let me see it" and i was going back and forth and teasing and being coy and then being like "here touch it!"  (uh, neither of us are very suave with the opposite sex-- i don't think he's gotten any in like 12 years).  finally we moved over to the couch and finally started kissing and whatnot... ok, so really, it's fine, it's great.  i'm so terribly attracted to him that i'm like, all overjoyed about this.  so we fool around for about an hour and then... just as he is about to seal the deal he stops and says "i can't".  like... just like that.  he says he's sorry, it wouldn't be right, blah blah blah.  i kind of got mad at him because, well, really, when you're both lying there with pretty much no clothes on and you're about to do it, it's really confusing to not do it. 

i'm not sure if he really didn't want to or whatever.  he seemed pretty passionate about all the other stuff and even when i sort of attempted to give him a chance to stop in the middle he said, "i don't want this to end".  i don't know...

he's right, it wouldn't be right.  i'm totally dating someone else.  i'm sure he doesn't have any rubbers lying around that aren't over 10 years old.  i'm not sure what is going to happen now... i'm sure our "friendship" is somewhat ruined.  i left him a message this morning to kind of apologize or whatever.  i told him i'm going away next week and when i come back maybe we'll talk.  i'm kind of sad, scared, disturbed, but at the same time, i really needed/wanted to be with him.  please don't judge too harshly.  i know what i did was wrong.

geenpunchbuggie geenpunchbuggie
2 Responses Feb 26, 2009

Words of wisdom that are not my own...<br />
<br />
If you love two people at the same time choose the second one because if you really loved the first one you wouldnt have fallen for the second. ~Johnny Depp

sometimes our emotions get the best of us. but if you have a boyfriend, then maybe there's something missing and you should try to figure out how to make your relationship work if you want it to. its good that he didn't do it with you, it shows that he has respect for you and doesn't want you to get confused or do something you will regret.