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Why?

Looking from the outside in, people have always said i have the perfect teenage life. That is one of my biggest pet pevs. How do you know my life when you have never been me or in my personal thought process. I have always made above average grades in school and for a while my parents stayed together. I was an only child s i was spoiled rotten and it may have seems as if i had a "perfect life", but i have also always have been a girl to appriecate the emotional things in life. my parents both worked and where never reallly home. it would be that i would see one of them because the other was at work and then it would switch. The one that was at work would come home and the one that was at home would go to work. My whole problem with that was where it the family time. I love to spend time with just my family. Then my brother came along, now am i not complaining, I love my brother to death. He made my life harder but he provided that family bond i needed/wanted. We lived in louisville kentucky it was wonderful then we moved. I love to moved but we moved into hell. We moved into the house with my grandmother. I used to love my grandma and i still do to an extent, but every since my granddad left and decided to remarry, then died shortly after that she has been a hot mess. She always had a attitude problem and never wanted to spend time with us (me and my brother). My parents and grandparents were contently agruing and there was rarely peace. I was stressing at school trying to keep my A's, just to come home and deal with the arguments and continuious yelling. I started to gain weight because i would never get to go anywhere and i would be bored so i would eat. Sports wasnt fun anymore because the family wasnt as into it. I used to run cross country, play volleyball, i tried out for basketball, and cheerleading. i was very active but it just started to dwindle down after a while. Then things got worst we ended up moving again to Indiana! Now Indiana isnt bad they had good school, and we moved into a pretty apartment complex. i made new friends but once again, where is the family. i was born and raised in kentucky; my family was there and we had so much fun esp. when it was on holidays. i started to enjoy living with my brother and family. My mama quit her job so she could be with me more but my dad had to keep working of course. Then it got worse because i would never see him. By the time he got home from work i would be sleep because i had school the next morning. So i would never see him except on the weekends. it got to the point to where my parents would constantly argue everyday. Not infront but they failed to relieze that I never went to bed when they told me too. i just could never sleep. They would always fight about finances and me and my brother and other personal stuff. I could never deal with it. One night my parents sat me down and asked me what I felt about them getting a divorce. i was happy they included me in the conversation but pissed off that they would literally break a promise to theirselves, me and my brother and most of all, God. Divorce was never accepted in my book. Its stupid. Why would you promise to love someone and spend the rest of your life with them if your just going to end the relatioship 5-7 years later. OVER MONEY and children that they both love. i believe when you marry someone no matter what you are plegding the rest of your life withthis person. Divorce is only aloud if one is unfaithful. Was there infeldility in there relationship, yes, but was it something that couldnt be talk out and resolved, no. After this whole spliting up thing, my parnets did the worst thing possible. We moved to Tennessee. This was the worst thing that ever happend. I didnt know what to do. I got raped twice. My daddy moved to Indiana. I start failing in school, my ambitions and prioties went down, the kind hearted student went to bitchy, hot temper ****. I felt like for the longest since i was raped that i could just open my legs to anyone that called my beauitful. I felt discusting, and fat and ugly. Now here I am feeling 100x worse. I hate my life I thought about killing myself something brutal. I have many hobbies they just dint instrest me. ive lost friends and family because i stopped going out. I am still open with people i try to be this person that can save the world. I have a hero complex but it never works. i cant trust people untill now it has gotton better but will ever be the same. I just wish that ihad someone that we can be close friends and get through anything together.
Teyiah Teyiah 18-21, F 1 Response Jun 2, 2012

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I'm so sorry, I've been moving a lot in my life too, and my parents got a divorce when I was younger. If u ever need anything u can message me, I understand where ur coming from on the friend thing, and I could help u if u would like :)

Thanks for the the offer. its nice to know someone understands me.

anytime