Not Something I Am Proud Of

From my earliest memories, I have always loved cigarettes. It seemed sooo cool the way people held them, and blew out the smoke. I began experimenting with tobacco at a very early age and started smoking seriously at around age 11. Now I am 37 which means I have been a smoker 2/3 of my life. There is not a waking moment I don't associate with having a cig. I have attempted to quit only once (for all the wrong reasons...a girl) and lasted only a few days before a friend handed me a cigarette at a party, and I absentmindedly took it. Nicotine addiction is actually fairly easy to break. The nicotine receptors in your brain shut down after about 48 hours...the BIG problem is breaking the habituation. I still love smoking. I reward myself with a smoke after tasks. It seems when you are stressed having a quiet cigarette calms the nerves, and soothes the soul. it is a tangible thing, almost as if your worries are blown out with a cloud of smoke. Some day I will quit. Fortunately I am still healthy and managed to hike across the Alps over the summer, and even at 11.000 feet enjoyed a smoke.