Never Too Late?

I smoked my first cigarette when I was ten. You'll probably think that I was with my street gang or whatever but I was at my cousins house and my mom told me to try it. I've always been so fond of the smoke, my dad is a heavy smoker so I've been breathing this **** since I was a little kid. My heart rate increased as I took my first breath and blew, it amazed them because I didn't have a fit of cough, I smoked like I had for years. I loved the bitter taste, my nerves relaxed, I felt good and went for another breath
"Wow buddie, slow down or you might get hooked" My mom said.
Little did she know that it was too late.
I didn't smoke for a while since. I was good girl, I tried to enjoy my childhood as much as possible.
Until I hit my teenage years. Currently, I'm fourteen. You probably think, wow another teenager throwing their life away but its not like that. Its just the way I cope. and the thing is, If I try to stop smoking, I start cutting. I try and distract myself, I play two sports, volunteer and do after-school activities. I know smoking isn't good, I know the risks, I hate the way it stains my teeth, I hate the smell on my cloth, I hate watching myself give in. Just a couple minutes ago, I had a one. My mom stormed out because my parents had a another fight, I was writing my father's job CV when he suddenly shut the screen and started shouting about how I am useless and not doing it right. I just apologized, he stormed out to. My brother was crying from some reason and I couldn't comfort him because I was angry. I counted down from 999, it didn't work so I stole a cigarette from my dad's drawer. I fin shed it in three breathes and right after it, I went and hugged my little brother. You see, I'm not a bad person, I'm definitely not a good though. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents more than anything, they are amazing, they put a roof on my head and brought me up and I am thankful for that in every way, they were just having another bad day. The point is I want to stop, but at the same time I don't want to let go, It's so easy & so relaxing but I picture myself smoking in the future and feel sick, I don't want stained teeth, I don't want heart problems. I want to live, I want to stop now before its too late but How?
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses May 11, 2012

sounds like you have it rough, your smoking may help for now, to relieve stress. Remember, it is better than drugs, please add and thanks.

Omg. Your 14? From your writting I thought you would be older, like 18 or something, like the thing under your name says you are. I may be wrong, but it sounds like you have a very un-happy home life. And for that I am truly sorry for you. If I could switch our lives, I would. You deserve better than this. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. <br />
I think you need to talk to someone about your habbit. You need to quit. 2 of my favourite people ever died from smoking and Mr. Romeo probably will 2. I don't want that to happen to you.