I did it at first because of how good it made me feel. That was over six years ago. Was attacked and tortured by a sociopath two years ago (who is still free despite my efforts) and because of his position in law enforcement, all charges were dropped and a year ago he came after me again. I started drinking heavily to "help" with anxiety and panic attacks, ptsd, etc. It was bad. Scary what it did to my body and that I couldn't stop on my own. Anyway, went to hospital for detox twice and it's better now. Btw... Restraining orders, written letters detailing what he did to me and will continue to do, etc. haven't helped. Was advised by a very frustrated city prosecutor to move as far away as possible. Fled across country to live with long lost relative. That was a disaster due to her BPD. She was the last family member that I had contact with.
Met up with best friend from when I was 13 and he "saved" me. Moved in with him....that's a whole other story.

Point of this is when I moved in with best friend he was away due to military for a while and while on a walk someone offered me crack. I took him up on it, and it has almost ruined me. Money gone, best friend had me followed by PI to confront me with the truth and he almost kicked me out.
Promised I'd never do it again. Been severely depressed. Ran out of money again and OMG had sex with a dealer to get some.
NEVER EVER did I think I'd do that....but he was mean and I was scared of being raped again so I did it. Two seconds after he left with no words said. I hate myself.
FML WTF is wrong with me??
NothingSpecial71 NothingSpecial71
46-50, F
3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

there is always something that can be done! depends on who you are a lion or a mouse. the lion is brave n mighty, however a mouse can get into alot more things due to size.
I'm a mouse but heart of a lion!!!!!
I know ways around law enforcement that are not for civil rights, or hurting people on purpose.
I still smoke but it's in moderations.
aim higher above his head.
then strike....

It's not any "everyday thing" but no reason to cut it out completely. Going without something your brain will always crave will only make your "relapse" more dangerous, when it comes. Moderation people.

Crack isn't something you "try".